This pain won't seem to heal (Complete)
by I hate the snow
Summary: Two years after Rick lost everything in a car accident he meets a young blonde who lost her world. Can two broken people help each other get back to normal? Rick, Beth, Shane, Michonne, (Lori, Carl and Judith mentioned)
1. FML

**seasons come, and seasons go, nothing stays the same**  
 **i grew up, fell in love, met a girl who took my name**  
 **year by year, we made a life, in this sleepy little town**  
 **i thought we'd grow old together, Lord, i sure do miss her now**

 **But there's holes in the floor of heaven,**  
 **and her tears are pouring down,**  
 **that's how i know she's watching,**  
 **wishing she could be here now,**  
 **and sometimes when i'm lonely,**  
 **i remember she can see,**  
 **there's holes in the floor of heaven,**  
 **and she's, watching over you and me,**

 **Steve Warner - Holes in the Floor of Heaven (edited)**

Rick Grimes woke up, with his arm on Lori's side of the bed. For a moment, as he was coming out of a deep sleep, he thought he could feel her next to him.

When his eyes snapped open, the stark reality of him lying in an empty bed hit him. Another day. Another hangover. Another morning of him not eating a bullet the night before.

He sat on his end of the mattress, and put his face in his hands.

 _Baby, I miss you so much. Every second. I just want to see your face._

He got out of the bed and used the bathroom, then went downstairs to eat breakfast. The trash was full of take out containers, and the moldy smell from the washing machine was a reminder that he hadn't done laundry in over a month. He looked through the fridge, nearly empty but the food that was in there was old. He needs to go shopping. And do the laundry. Some dishes too. And clean the house, and get himself back to normal. But "normal" included his family. Maybe eating a bullet would make sense after all.

After nibbling on a stale bagel and drinking coffee with soured milk and no sugar, he went upstairs to get ready for work.

He shaved, trying to keep his eyes on his reflection, but, just like yesterday and the day before, they wandered over to Lori's sink. Just as she left it. He forced himself to focus shaving. A hot shower didn't help, and when he was back in the bedroom getting into his uniform he looked over to his dresser, at the large white urn with pink flowers on it. She always liked pink flowers. He talked to her as he finished getting dressed, telling her how much he needs her help.

"Saturday's coming, baby. I don't think I can do it. Two years. Two fucking years. I wish I could trade places with you. I was supposed to protect you. I had the dangerous job. It should be me in there." The days of him lying in bed for days and sobbing into her pillow have stopped, unless he's reminded of her, Carl or the baby. He walked up to his dresser, talking directly to the urn, and said "tell me what to do. Please. I need your help. I need you." After swallowing a sob, and before he became a mess again, he kissed his fingers and put them on the urn, saying "I love you, baby."

Rick walked down the hallway and stopped at Carl's room, putting his hand on the door and saying "love you, bud." He moved one door over, to what was to be the baby's room, and did the same routine he did every day. He put his hand on the door, just like he did with Carl's, and said "love you, baby girl."

He left the house and drove down the road on his way to the police department, and was forced to stop at the red light, just two miles away from their home. He was staring, transfixed, at the three white wooden crosses at the side of the road.


	2. Shattered Memories

**I'm so tired of being here  
Suppressed by all my childish fears  
And if you have to leave  
I wish that you would just leave  
'Cause your presence still lingers here  
And it won't leave me alone**

 **These wounds won't seem to heal, this pain is just too real  
There's just too much that time cannot erase**

 **When you cried, I'd wipe away all of your tears  
When you'd scream, I'd fight away all of your fears  
And I held your hand through all of these years  
But you still have all of me**

 **You used to captivate me by your resonating light  
Now, I'm bound by the life you left behind  
Your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams  
Your voice it chased away all the sanity in me**

 **These wounds won't seem to heal, this pain is just too real  
There's just too much that time cannot erase**

 **Evanescence - My Immortal**

 _"_ _Oh, shit." Rick said, as he ripped open the driver's door of the patrol car._

 _He jumped over the teenager who was on the ground, still writhing in pain from being thrown from his car. He ran over to his old Toyota Camry. He saw what was once Carl, his body strapped to the car seat in the back, blood pouring around where his head once was. He tried to open Lori's door while pushing Shane out of the way. Rick looked at his wife and saw the blood trickling from the lacerations on her forehead and mouth._

 _He was finally able to jerk the door open, and had to catch Lori as she fell out. He lifted her up, bridal style and walked a few feet to gently put her on the pavement. He immediately started CPR. Rick watched in horror as blood rapidly started to stain Lori's shirt. "Oh, god, oh fuck…" He could see and taste the blood bubbling at the corner of Lori's mouth as he tried to preform mouth to mouth. He yelled at Shane to do chest compressions. Even with the rain, Lori's blood was pooling on the ground beneath them, and terror unlike any he had never known was threatening to paralyze him._

 _He could hear squelch of the approaching ambulance, and begged Lori to hold on. He saw the gush of fluid that soaked her pants, and asked Shane to rip her pants off because the baby's coming._

 _"_ _Lori, Lori…" Rick watched as his wife slipped away. He could hear the wet rattle over everything else. "Please, don't…" Rick bit though his lips as he struggled not to cry. "I love you."_

 _Lori shuddered and then everything stopped. Her pulse was gone, she was gone. Rick screamed. He knew it was pointless, but that didn't stop him from pounding on Lori's chest and trying to breathe life back into her. Rick struggled against the arms pulling him away from his wife and watched in horror as the paramedics didn't even bother touching Lori. They knew it was too late. They had to use forceps to deliver a baby girl, whom they immediately put in the back of the ambulance and sped away. They took his baby girl away from him._

 _Rick watched as his colleagues, Bassett and Everett, put a yellow tarp over Lori's body. He did everything he could to get free from Shane's grasp._

Rick jolted awake. His hands were shaking, and he was sweating profusely. He got out of bed, on shaky legs, and ran to the bathroom and vomited into the toilet.

He reached up and grabbed the counter to pull himself up and in the process knocked his razor to the floor. It almost seemed as if it was falling in slow motion. The sound it made when it hit the floor reverberated throughout his small room. Suddenly all he could hear was the sound of twisted metal and the smell the coppery scent of blood. He fell back against the bathroom counter and tried desperately to stave off the barrage of memories threatening to overwhelm him.

Rick could feel the tears sliding down his face and hear the sobs that were being ripped from his chest. He was losing, he was losing and oh, god he didn't want to…

 _"_ _I have news for you" Lori smiled, as she welcomed Rick home after another exhausting day on the job._

 _"_ _What's that, baby? Rick responded, as he lifted up four year old Carl and gave her a kiss at the same time._

 _"_ _Well, what do you think Carl's gonna be when he grows up?"_

 _Rick looked around at the crayon marks on the wall and the overturned bucket of toys. "Probably something to do with demolition." He laughed._

 _"_ _Maybe, but I'll tell you something he definitely will be." She said, not even trying to hide the smile that spread across her face._

 _"_ _Yeah?" Rick asked, not knowing what to say._

 _Lori ran her fingers though her four year old's hair and said…."tell Daddy…what are you gonna be?"_

 _Carl raised his arms above his head and yelled "a big brother!"_

 _Rick immediately locked eyes with Lori, and with Carl in one am he pulled his wife closer with the other. "I love you so much, Lori." He chocked out, and heard her mumble something in return._

The memories ebbed and flowed like waves. Battering and receding, only to return stronger each time. Rick bit his lip and tasted blood as he swallowed. He looked around but the room was empty. The only voices he heard, the only shouts were his and those in his memories. He tried to think about something else, anything. He desperately tried to remember the night before his family had died. He tried to dredge up the sound of Lori's laughter, the way his body had felt when they crawled in bed and inevitably ended up tangled in the sheets, drenched with sweat after fucking until they were too tired to move. But he couldn't. He was stating to forget the sound of her laugh.


	3. Another Day

**Do you ever feel like breaking down?  
Do you ever feel out of place?  
Like somehow you just don't belong  
And no one understands you**

 **Do you ever want to run away?  
Do you lock yourself in your room?  
With the radio on turned up so loud  
That no one hears you screaming**

 **No you don't know what its like  
When nothing feels alright  
You don't know what its like to be like me  
To be hurt, to feel lost  
To be left out in the dark  
To be kicked when you're down  
To feel like you've been pushed around  
To be on the edge of breaking down  
And no one there to save you  
No you don't know what its like  
Welcome to my life  
With the big fake smiles and stupid lies  
But deep inside you're bleeding**

 **No you don't know what its like  
When nothing feels alright  
You don't know what its like to be like me  
To be hurt  
To feel lost  
To be on the edge of breaking down  
And no one there to save you**

 **No you don't know what its like  
What its like  
To be hurt  
To feel lost  
Welcome to my life**

Rick sat in Michonne Anthony's office. His stomach rolled and twisted; he hated these monthly appointments. If he had any other option he would never darken this woman's doorstep but he needed the prescriptions that would only be doled out by Dr. Negan; prescriptions he would only receive if he went to this traumatizing appointments. The only thing that was good about this was the fact that he had both appointments back to back.

He hated waiting. Granted he had the first appointment and they let him in their break room instead of the waiting room but that was beside the point. He couldn't make his hands stop shaking, his mind from racing or his leg from bouncing.

He twisted in his chair to look at the clock, he wanted this over with. Seconds later Dr. Anthony opened the door with her placid-meant-to-be-comforting smile.

"How are we today, Rick?" She walked down the hall and turned into her office as she spoke. Trailing behind her like an obedient dog, after all he wanted his meds; he ignored the use of 'we', and finally murmured "fine."

Rick suddenly felt deflated. He wanted to be at home, nothing new, but this time the reason wasn't. It was because he hadn't checked his e-mail. It was an odd feeling; looking forward to something each day again.

"What are you thinking about?"

He looked up at her, eyes narrowed. "Why?"

"Because you almost smiled." Michonne's voice was soft, and inquisitive. "What's changed?"

"Nothing." He didn't want to talk about his family.

Michonne sat back and sighed in frustration. "You are the most difficult man I have ever dealt with. I have never met someone who makes me feel so unprofessional and useless. I want to help you, I know I'll never be able to relate to the things you have seen or done. But I can at least listen." Michonne leaned forward, she knew this was the wrong way to go about this but she had tried everything else. She reached out and touched Rick's hand. "I'll sit and listen, if you won't let me be your doctor then let me be your friend."

Rick stood and went toward the window, his body tight with stress and shaking visibly. For the first time since she'd met him, Michonne could see fighter that had been hidden. The one she knew was there, she'd seen his records. You don't do what the man standing before her had done, without becoming a warrior. She'd been waiting for the anger, but he'd never worked passed it, just repressed it and it was eating its way through him in a way more deadly than cancer.

After his day shift Rick went home to an empty house. Another microwave dinner, another few shots of whiskey, and he went out to the back porch to look up at the darkened sky. The stars were out…billions, it seemed. He missed being out there, and he missed being with Lori. They would sit on the back porch for hours after Carl fell asleep. Sometimes they would just look at the stars in comfortable silence, but most of the time they would end up making love, in the dark, on the back porch. It was sensual, and erotic, and their thing to do. Their way of expressing intimacy.

But Dr. Anthony was right. Lori was dead, he could hide here until the world faded into dust and it wouldn't change that. So he could stay in his house for the next fifty years and be alone and wait for death, or he could get back out there.

Go back to what he loved even before he'd loved Lori. Go back to living, even if it was a mess. He could feel the anxiety rolling around in his chest, and he wondered if he was strong enough, selfless enough for this.

Part of him knew Lori wouldn't have wanted this. He wouldn't want Rick to grieve this way. But Lori wasn't here now. She was gone. So was Carl, and their baby girl.

Lori was gone and that was the only thought that Rick could focus on. It was all he could do to get out of bed every morning. He took every breath knowing it was him, not Lori who should have died. His job was dangerous, she was a stay at home mom. Every second of the day he saw and felt Lori's bloody, broken body as if it were still growing cold in his arms. He wanted nothing more than to wake up and discover all this was a terrible nightmare. It wasn't, and Rick knew it because it hurt too much to be anything but real.

He could never heal like this, and he would never be able to walk around without looking for Lori. Two years wouldn't be enough. A lifetime might not be.

Nothing will ever be normal again.

After locking up the house and heading upstairs, Rick sat woodenly on his bed. He was so tired. Everything hurt; even his clothing was too heavy and rough.

Everything was changing; it was too fast, too hard and too much. Rick looked at the bottles lined up like little tiny orange plastic soldiers on his nightstand and for a moment thought about how easy it would be. A hand full of that, a hand full of this and he could fall asleep. He could sleep through it all and when he woke up he would be away from all of this. He could be with his family.


	4. Step one

**I will not be made useless  
I won't be idled with despair  
I will gather myself around my faith  
For light does the darkness most fear**

 **My hands are small, I know,  
But they're not yours they are my own  
But they're not yours they are my own  
And I am never broken**

 **Jewel - Hands (edited)**

"Good to see you're goin, brother. It'll help. It can't hurt."

Rick nodded his head at what Shane said. Jessie, the new office clerk, gave him a "Chicken Soup for the Soul" book and he glanced through it, reading a few passages. He knew he needed to move on and live again.

It was early evening when he pulled his cruiser into the parking lot of the appropriately named "Our Lady of Hope" Catholic church. He heard a distant rumble of thunder when he opened the door and headed into the building. He avoided this place. The last time he was here was for the triple funeral of Lori, Carl and baby Judy. There was just one urn. Lori loved her children…their children so much she wouldn't be able to be apart from them. They were cremated and put in the urn with pink flowers, the one that Katie, Rick's only sister, picked out for him while he was consumed with grief.

He stood in the lobby, and looked down the aisle. The same aisle in which Lori was escorted down by her father on their wedding day. Then the same aisle that held her father's casket one year later. Lung cancer. Just months after Rick's life unofficially ended, Lori's mother had her funeral service in the same church.

So many memories. He had to step outside to get some fresh air, and was about to make a run for it when a tall, muscular, man said "Evening, officer. You checkin' us out? Hope you stay. The first night is always the worst."

Just as the first drops of cold rain started to fall, Rick nodded his head and went back into the church. The man extended his hand, and introduced himself as Tyreese Williams. He runs the group.

"From the look of the parkin' lot we got a full house. Stick around. It'll get better."

He followed Tyreese through the lobby and down the steps to the basement. He had to close his eyes when he passed a small coat closet. The evening of the rehearsal dinner they slipped away and did some very unchristian-like things in the closet before rejoining their families.

Ty held the door opened for him as they walked into a larger room where about thirty people sat around. He could smell fresh coffee and saw people milling around. Rick wanted the floor to rip open and swallow him.  
He took a seat far away from everyone, and once everyone settled Ty stood up and started speaking.

"Hi everyone. Welcome to the overcoming grief support group. My name is Tyreese, you can call me Ty. I know we have a few new faces, so I'll be quick with the rules. First names only, share only what you want. We're all here for a reason, and that's to help each other. I'll start. For those who don't know me, I lost my sister, Sasha, to a domestic violence incident about three years ago. She was my twin. Our parents are dead, and she was the only blood family member I had. The guy who beat her was her boyfriend, and Bob will spend the rest of his life in prison. My wife, Andrea, has been my rock through this hell. I'm here to tell you that it is possible to get through this. Anyone want to share?" He asked before sitting down.

A rail thin woman with grey hair stood up and said that her name is Carol, and husband killed their daughter and tried to kill her before he committed suicide.

A man stood up, told everyone his name is Jim, and his two sons and wife were killed in a house fire. It was one week before Christmas, and he had to pull overtime as a mechanic to pay for the new big screen TV he bought for his sons. It was past midnight and he had just finished repairing a transmission when he heard a nonstop cacophony of fire engines. His wife left the tree lights plugged in overnight. She always loved waking up to a lit up tree. The Christmas lights were her mother's, and since Cindy was sentimental, she wanted to use them. They were old, and one spark on an unattended tree set off a blaze that tore through the house. They were all gone. It took minutes.

The group spent time talking to Carol and Jim, listening as they poured out their emotions.

Two hours went by when a young woman stood up. She was with a small child who had fallen asleep on one of the metal chairs. The blonde said her name was Beth. Her bottom lip quivered when she said that three years ago she was hanging out with friends, and was out way past curfew. She didn't have her cell phone on, and her parents were worried. They called her older sister, Maggie, to come over and drive them around to the places they knew she would often visit. Maggie was a single mom of a one year old girl. Her parents, sister and niece drove around during the night, looking for her. A man, who was over three times the legal limit, crossed the double yellow line and collided with them head on. The only person who survived was her niece. She went from being twenty one, and living at home with her parents to being all alone and being a mother to her sister's child. She has to balance managing her father's farm, her job as a school teacher, and raising a child on her own.

Rick had his own tears running down his face. He was a responder to all of those scenes. He saw the blood. He smelled the burned bodies.

The sound of cries and sobs echoed throughout the room. People were hugging each other, rubbing each other's backs, Rick couldn't 'take his eyes off the blonde who just bared her soul.

The rain was pouring when it was time to leave. Beth had her purse in one arm and the four year old hand in the other. She forgot to bring her umbrella, and was waiting for the torrential rain to let up so she could get to her car. As Rick was leaving the church he stopped at the door and offered to help. He was in uniform, which set her mind at ease, but she was still leery of people she doesn't know. They engaged in some small talk before saying they'll see each other again next week. As she was putting Jo, named after Maggie's mother Josaphine, in the car Rick noticed that the car seat wasn't secured. Beth blushed with embarrassment as he went to his cruiser and got a strap to fix it without being asked.

"You're good to go. It's secured."

Rick refused Beth's offer of ten dollars…the only thing she had in her pocket. They shook hands, and he did a double take of her hazel eyes. Rick cracked a smile, and Beth got butterflies in her stomach. She thanked him again, and he watched as she drove away.

Rick came home to an empty house. But it was different. It was…clean. A delicious aroma of a home cooked meal wafted through the house. The dirty dishes were washed and put away. The laundry was cleaned and folded. There was a note on the kitchen, from his sister Katie and Shane. They hired professional cleaners to get rid of two years' worth of dirt, made the place shine, and Katie had a homemade chicken pot pie, Rick's favorite, in the oven.

The note wished him well, and said that they're proud of him for taking the first step.

Rick smiled and ate a real meal, alone, at the kitchen table. He passed on taking the shots of Jack Daniels. He locked up the house, took a hot shower, and crawled into bed. He lay in his bed, in the quiet, empty house. Lori was always on his mind. So were his children. But when he fell asleep, he dreamed about Beth.


	5. This guilt I'll live with

**And in my hour of darkness  
She is standing right in front of me  
Speaking words of wisdom, let it be  
Yeah, let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be  
Whisper words of wisdom, let it be  
When the broken hearted people  
Living in the world agree  
There will be an answer, let it be  
For though they may be parted  
There is still a chance that they will see  
There will be an answer, let it be  
Yeah, let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be  
There will be an answer, let it be  
Yeah, let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be  
You know there's gonna be an answer, let it be**

 **The Beatles**

"He took everything away from me. In one second I lost everything; Lori was my lover, my best friend, the only person in the world I wanted to be with for the rest of my life. My son, my baby boy. I planned on coaching his little league team in the spring. My baby girl. I never got to hear her giggle. I'll never walk her down the aisle. The only time I held her was in the emergency room. She was hanging on by a thread, and there was nothing anyone could do. I sang 'You are my Sunshine' to her, and she took her last breath in my arms."

Rick took a deep breath before he continued. "You would've loved Lori. She was so beautiful. Nice to everyone. Kind to a fault. She had a sense of humor that I've never met before. She accepted me, warts and all. She saw me for me, and didn't run away."

The passion and anger diminished, leaving nothing but sorrow. Rick leaned his head against the sun-warmed window. "What's worse is it was my fault." I told her that I'd stop at the store on my way home and pick up the damn things from the store. Then Shane and I were called to a carjacking, which made me late. Then we were called to the scene of a bad car accident. I saw the car as soon as we pulled up. Some asshole teenager was texting and blew through the stop sign. He T-boned my family. Carl was decapitated. Lori was knocked unconscious. I wrestled with the seat belt to free her and try CRP. Shane tried to pull me away. I pushed him back. Lori was still warm. I tried mouth to mouth, and I saw her water break. She was limp in my arms. I tried to tell her I was sorry. There wasn't any sign of life. I begged her to open her eyes."

Michonne could feel the weight of his pain, even as she shuddered in fear over the mention of an emotion she would never understand. There were times she wished Rick had never walked through her door, those times involved the mention of a loss so terrifying that fear threatened to choke her. She couldn't imagine anyone learning to live with that. But Rick had this life handed to him. That was how she knew that he would get past this, if he could live with that type of grief every day for years he could learn to forgive himself and work past his heartache.

She stood, walked over to her patient; instinct once again had her breaking all the rules, and slid in to the small space he'd left next to the window. Michonne saw the raw anguish and half-shed tears on his face and wrapped her arms around him.

Rick stood stiffly for a moment before his entire body began to shake; his arms engulfed her, and dragged her to the floor with him as his legs gave way. She held on; her knees painfully smacked the floor, her legs folding under her gracelessly and in a way that was guaranteed to be equally painful later. But she refused to let go.

She rocked him back and forth like a child. Her shirt was soaked with his tears. She crooned nonsense, stroked his back, whispered that she was there but never once told him it would be alright.

It felt like hours later, and for all Rick knew it could have been; when he became aware of where he was and who was hugging him. He drew a ragged breath in through his mouth; it only served to emphasize how raw his throat was, and leaned back.

He was shocked to see that Michonne's face was covered in tears too. As that thought registered he could the damp cloth of his shirt clinging to his shoulder, and the nape of his neck. He didn't know what to say, he felt relived and uncomfortable all in the same breath. This was the last thing he expected to happen when he'd arrived today.

Michonne slid back a bit and leaned over, reaching for the box of tissues that rested on a nearby stand. She didn't know what to say, she had never been such an intimate part of a client's grief or felt so rewarded for being allowed to share it.

Rick gratefully accepted the proffered tissue box; turned away, blew his nose and dried his eyes. He pushed himself back against the wall and watched as Michonne carefully moved her legs.

"So what do we do now?" She asked calmly.

"I miss them. I miss them every fucking second of every fucking day." He was drained…so wrung out that his skin felt brittle.

"I know you do, but that doesn't mean you can't have a life or friends."

Rick leaned his head back against the wall. He knew she was right, he wasn't stupid but that didn't mean he didn't need to hear it from someone else. "Her name is Beth and…we went out for coffee a few times. She makes me feel…and I know, I know, but I like talking to her…"

"But you feel guilty."

"Yeah."

"I know this sounds boring and you have heard it a million times before, but I am telling you the truth when I say that happens to anyone who has lost a loved one. I am also telling you the truth, and you know deep within yourself that this is true too, Lori wouldn't want you to live this way."

"I know that too, but I can't breathe, sleep, I close my eyes and I see her smiling, laughing, her face flushed with love and passion. Then I see her dying. I feel her blood pouring over my hands and soaking the knees of my pants, I smell it despite the rain and the mud. Here," Rick pounds his fist against his chest and then his forehead. "Always, it's been two years but I still see it now. I still see the red water that soaked her pants and… "

Michonne didn't know how to respond to that, "Rick what you experienced is something outside the norm. Your family's death was senseless. I am not asking you to forget or even forgive but you have to come to terms with the fact that it wasn't your fault."


	6. The Grass is always Greener

**Back when I was a child, before life removed all the innocence  
My father would lift me high and dance with my mother and me and then  
Spin me around 'til I fell asleep  
Then up the stairs he would carry me  
And I knew for sure I was loved  
If I could get another chance, another walk, another dance with him  
I'd play a song that would never, ever end  
How I'd love, love, love  
To dance with my father again  
When I and my mother would disagree  
To get my way, I would run from her to him  
He'd make me laugh just to comfort me  
Then finally make me do just what my mama said  
Later that night when I was asleep  
He left a dollar under my sheet  
Never dreamed that he would be gone from me  
If I could steal one final glance, one final step, one final dance with him  
I'd play a song that would never, ever end  
'Cause I'd love, love, love  
To dance with my father again**

 **Every night I fall asleep and this is all I ever dream**

 **Luther Vandross - Dance with my Father (edited)**

Tuesday morning found her utterly exhausted. She'd barely slept at all the night before.

She slept fitfully in twenty minute bursts. Asleep, awake, asleep, awake, until finally, at three, she couldn't take anymore and got out of bed to start her day. It was three fifteen in the morning, and she knew what she had to do.

She threw on some jeans and a tee shirt, ate a quick breakfast, then while it was still nighttime she quietly went outside and fed the farm animals. It was dark, and she hated being outside in the dark. She reminded herself to call the guys she knows and have them cut the grass.

Her heart sank every time she looked at the empty horse stable. She sold the horses, the horses she loved, for extra money. Nelly, her father's favorite American Quarter Horse, was sold to a nearby farm. Not only was the sale of the five horses important for more money, but she just couldn't find the time to care for them.

Beth went into the barn and scooped up a fifty pound bag of Sorghum, then carried it over to fill the cow's trough. Another mental note; order some more sorghum. She milked the cows, fed the chickens and the pigs and the two dozen barn cats that were technically strays but she accepted as her own. She cleaned up the shit from the pig pens and took off her father's work gloves before she went into the chicken coop and picked up a dozen fresh eggs.

The sun was just starting to rise, casting a dull yellow haze around the farm. If she had time, Beth would watch as the sky began to be set ablaze of a dozen different colors.

It was almost six o'clock when she peeled off her filthy clothes and took a hot shower, put on her work clothes, having to remind herself that she needed to do laundry and go shopping. Jo hates going to the store, though.

Maybe she could ask her friend Sasha to help. Maybe Sasha could take Jo home from school, just for an hour, so Beth could get some things done.

Jo was rubbing her eyes as she wandered in to kitchen. Beth bend down and gave her little girl a big hug and kiss, before preparing her breakfast of scrambled eggs and pancakes.

The two ate together, Beth smiling and trying to carry the conversation, but they were alone in the large, empty farmhouse.

She got Jo dressed, then locked up the house, a dirty living room catching her eye before she left. She made another mental note to do some cleaning after work. And clean up Jo's room…she wet the bed again.

The rain the night before made the short walk to her old Chevy muddy, and Beth had to tell Jo to be careful and not to get her shoes dirty. She needed new shoes…add it to the list.

Her 2000 Chevy…Maggie's Chevy, stuttered a few times before the engine roared. She exhaled in relief before she pulled out of the driveway. She was singing along with one of Jo's songs, the Laurie Berkner Band, and smiled warmly as she looked in the rear view mirror and saw Jo dancing as much as she could.

The familiar bing sounded, and with one eye on her watch and one eye on the gas tank, she did the mental math and figured she had enough fuel to get to work before she was late, again.

The nerve wracking drive finally ended, and she was at least at work. She could get gas after she was done, but her boss would skin her alive if she was late again. At seven forty five she walked hand in hand into the school, and gave Jo a kiss on the forehead before she walked down the hallway to her preschool room. Beth watched her walk away, kicked herself for not packing Jo a lunch, and remembered that she has to do grocery shopping and get a new lunchbox for her little girl. She then went into the office to sign in for the day.

"Cutting it close, aren't we?" Principal Harrison asked, her voice booming in the small room.

"I'm on time. It's not eight yet." Beth responded meekly

"Don't sass me. Your review is coming up soon, isn't it?"

Beth looked around at the office staff…Jacqui, the school nurse, Amy, the receptionist and Andrea's sister, and Tara, the other secretary. Everyone was looking at the fight that was about to happen, but Beth didn't want to take the bait.

"Yes, ma'am. I'm sorry I was ten minutes early signing in. It won't happen again, Principal Harrison." She sneered, before heading to the stairs and walked up the three flights to wait for her classroom to fill up.

The seventh graders filled up the room, and Beth started to teach them how to conjugate a sentence before moving on to talk about the works of Shakespeare. She looked around and felt as though she was talking to a brick wall. One of the girls had her skirt raised up and was flirting with the guy sitting next to her, another kid was texting, and one in the back was sleeping.

When Beth got assigned to Valley View grade school, she hoped to work with little kids. Maybe no older than third grade. She KNEW how to work with little kids. The principal had the final say. After a brief meeting, Andrea wanted her to work with the big kids "to toughen her up." It was weeks after the funeral for her parents and her sister, but Andrea didn't care. She used her position as principal to place a friend of hers with the third graders. Beth didn't know, nor did she feel comfortable, with kids younger than she was but stood taller and intimidated her.

Andrea Harrison. The bane of her existence. She picked on Beth relentlessly, she would often walk into the room while Beth was teaching, and stand in the front row. She always had the same condescending smirk on her face. She stood with her arms folded across her chest, and would interrupt her often to input needless information, just to make Beth feel incompetent.

The bell finally rang, signaling the end of the class's allotted time. The students bolted for the door, and Andrea just watched as Beth cleaned up, erased the chalkboard, and gathered the papers the students handed in.

Beth felt Andrea's eyes on her, burrowing through to her should. She finally turned and made eye contact with her boss, who said only "what?" then chuckled and walked out of the room.

The hours passed, Beth had a short lunch as she joined the seventh and eighth grade in the cafeteria. She tried to ignore Andrea's glare, and while she escorted the seventh grade class out of the room she passed the preschool class, who was heading in. She gently touched Jo's shoulder as they walked by each other. Beth had to pull some strings, and Dale Hovarth, the superintendent of the school system took pity on her as he approved the four year old's day long preschool, rather than Jo's dismissal at noon. Jo would have no place to go. It was just her and Beth.

The final dismissal bell rang, and Beth walked her class out of the school, then went back to retrieve Jo, who was sitting on her usual spot on the same chair in the office. As she did every day, Beth cleaned her classroom just so she would avoid any more confrontation with Andrea. She had her purse and jacket with her when she held Jo's hand and went out to the Chevy. Beth watched with pride as Jo climbed in and buckled her own seatbelt, then she crossed her fingers that the car would start. After a few tries it did, and after a quick stop at the gas station, she drove home.

Beth went into the house with Jo, and each changed into "play" clothes, as Beth called them. Jo played in the field while Beth milked the cows again, cleaned out the pig pen and chicken coop, and called Jo in for dinner. She gave the girl a bath before taking her second shower of the day, started dinner for the two of them, and after Jo's half hour of cartoon time, during which Beth tried to start a load of laundry but soon realized she was out of detergent, she gave up on the clothes and loaded the dishwasher, but that had to wait since she didn't have any soap. She stripped Jo's bed, but didn't have another set of Frozen sheets, so she threw a few towels down in place of the waterproof sheet, and threw an older set of plain white sheets on the bed.

She thought of her friends from college. Some of the other twenty four year old young women were going to night clubs, two were planning their wedding, and others were celebrating new found freedom when they moved into their own apartment.

Then, as much as she shouldn't, she compared her life to theirs. She's alone. Twenty four years old, she lives in an old farm house with her four year old niece, works full time, and has to do the farm work and a full time job. She makes money by selling the cow milk to a local dairy, and she has a boatload of money from her parents' life insurance, but feels as though she's disappointing them all over again if she uses any of it. The house was paid for generations ago, so she doesn't have a mortgage, she drives Maggie's sixteen year old car purely for sentimental reasons, but doesn't have a clue about really living. She goes to sleep every night bone tired, and wakes up maybe five hours later, if she's lucky.

She's never dated, and as much as she loves her niece, and wouldn't trade her for the world, she wonders if she'll ever have a family of her own. Every day is the same. She never felt more alone. If it wasn't for her actions that one foolish night, her parents and her sister would still be alive.

She told Jo it was time to go to bed, and after she tucked the girl into what was Maggie's old room, Beth locked the front door and crawled into her own bed, and was asleep within minutes.


	7. Baby steps

Tonight was the night, Rick decided. Tonight he'd speak up.

He had been attending the overcoming grief support group for months, and had been just quietly listening to everyone speak. He and Beth started a friendship, consisting of getting some terrible tasting coffee at the meeting.

He thought she was beautiful, but not ready to ask her out. Maybe tonight she'd understand.

It was shortly past eight o'clock, and Morgan had just gotten through sharing his story of a man breaking into his house, while he was at work and his wife and son were alone. The man had been snorting bath salts, and killed his wife and son in the most gruesome way. After Morgan finished he sat quietly, just staring, stoically, at the wall.

Ty asked if anyone else wants to say anything.

Beth was sitting with Jo on her lap, five chairs away from Rick. The sheriff took a deep breath and stood up.

"My name is Rick. I've been coming here for a while, but wasn't ready. Two years, five months and one week ago I was on duty. My wife, who was pregnant with our little girl, texted me and said she was headed out to the store to get a few things for dinner. I know that pregnant women can be vulnerable to people who want to hurt them, and she also had our very rambunctious four year old with her. It was a slow day, so I told her that I'd pick the stuff up."

"My partner and I were called to a carjacking, and we were delayed. Lori wanted to get the stuff, so she went anyway. She was headed home, and was two miles away from our house. Two miles. She was at a red light, and I always told her that when it turns green to wait a second before moving. I don't know if she did that, but some piece of shit teenager who couldn't wait five seconds just had to use his phone and was texting someone. He hit my family's car at least fifty miles per hour. He hit the drivers' side. My son…our son, Carl, was sitting behind Lori, and safe in his car seat. But the car T-boned them so fast. Carl was decapitated." He had to pause and swallow a sob. His hands were shaking and he wondered if he had the strength to continue.

"Shane, that's my partner, had to pull me away from the car. He thought it might blow up because the gas tank was split. I didn't care if it did…I'd go with my family if I had to. Lori wasn't responding, and there was blood coming out of her nose and mouth. I finally got her door open and her seatbelt off. I could hear her death rattle. I tried mouth to mouth. I knew she was gone, but me and Lori…it doesn't happen twice in a lifetime. I yelled at Shane to do compressions so I could do mouth to mouth. I felt her blood in my mouth. Her water broke because her pants got drenched. The paramedics had to deliver our daughter and took her away. Everyone was giving up on Lori. I knew she was gone. I knew it. But I wouldn't accept it. I kept trying mouth to mouth, hoping she'd respond. Shane pulled me back, and she was covered with a tarp."

"My partner rushed me to the hospital, and my baby girl was almost gone. There was no hope. She was born too early, and there was nothing they could do. I held her in my arms and sang "you are my sunshine" because I heard babies can hear their parent's voice…I tried. So my family was taken away from me. Just like that. One day I'm a husband and father, and I have a baby girl on the way. Before she was born I pictured the day that I'd be walking her down the aisle. Now I'll never have that. My wife's favorite flowers were pink roses. She loved us fiercely. Lori was the reason why you hear the expression 'don't get between a mama bear and her cubs.' When she found out she was pregnant with Carl she drew up a will, and said she wanted to be cremated. And if anything happens to the baby, she wanted them to be in the same urn. She couldn't imagine being away from the kids forever. She loved me, warts and all, and I loved her like nobody else. What kills me every time I come here is that this is the church where we got married."

"Every day I wake up and look at my dresser. It's a white urn with pink roses, with the ashes of my wife, son, and baby girl. My baby girl, who Lori was so excited about having, but never got a chance to hold. She carried that baby girl for seven and a half months, but never got a chance to hold her."

He cleared his throat, and looked around the room. His "friends" were wiping their eyes or quietly sobbing.

"I'm a cop. I have the dangerous job. Lori always wanted to be a stay at home mom, and I was happy to provide that. I'd do anything for her. I'd do anything to switch places and be in that urn and have my wife and kids be alive. Somedays I think I'm doing okay, and that Lori wouldn't want me to be miserable forever. We had the talk. She knew there was always a risk with my job. I told her that if anything happened, I wanted her to move on with someone who treats her right and is good with the kids. Then the days I think I'm doing okay I drive by the spot where the crash happened and I see the three wooden crosses. And those are the days that I just want to crawl into a hole in the ground."

"So, that's that. My life changed two years, five months and one week ago. It took everything I have to not be poured into that urn with them. I think there are two different types of people in this world. People who move on from grief and can live again, and people who spend their lives trapped in misery. And for the past two years, five months and one week I've been miserable. And I don't want to be that way anymore."

Rick looked over at Tyreese, who had tears falling out of his eyes.

He sat down and glanced at his watch. He didn't realized he spoke for half an hour.

After a few minutes Ty stood up and thanked Rick for sharing his story. He quietly asked if anyone else wants to say anything, and when nobody did, he said he'll see everyone at the same time next week.

When the meeting broke up some Morgan, Ty and Beth drifted over to shake Rick's hand.

"It took balls to speak up like that" Ty said, before noticing Beth was there and apologized for his language.

Rick nodded his head in thanks.

Jo was getting fussy, and Morgan was talking Rick's ear off. Beth really wanted to talk to Rick, but Jo was tired and hungry.

Rick, who wanted to talk to Beth but didn't want to be rude to Morgan, just watched as she walked away.

At the office the next morning, Rick remembered the horrific crash that took the lives of Beth's parents and sister. Annette, Hershel and Margaret Greene. Twisted metal and blood everywhere. The only survivor was one year old Josephine Greene. Sole survivor was Elizabeth Anne Greene. He did a quick search of her background. At twenty four she had one parking ticket, but nothing else.

After a recent rash of school shootings, Shane and Rick planned on stopping by at a few schools to speak with the children for reassurance.

They started with the high schools, Morgan, Hilltop and Scott, and then drove to Valley View Elementary. It was half an hour before dismissal time, so the kids were antsy. Rick and Shane were getting the materials together when the seventh and eighth graders walked into the school, and Rick did a double take when he saw Beth.

She walked in and smiled at him, then did a small wave before Andrea walked up behind her and snapped "control your classroom, Miss Greene."

Beth looked away from Rick and ushered her students into the rows of seats.

When the dismissal bell rang, Beth and Rick looked at each other, and when Beth tried to say something Andrea stepped in front of her and said "you're still on the clock."

Beth did the typical thing she does every day; walked her students out to the buses, then went to the office to get Jo.

She noticed that Shane and Rick were standing in the hallway, waiting for her. She went over to the two officers and Rick introduced her to Shane. After shaking his hand, and introduced him to her "daughter," Jo, she turned her attention back to Rick. Before she could say a word she heard the furious click of high heels on the floor as Principal Harrison walked over.

"Well, it seems like the three of you have a nice little party here." she sneered.

"Just talking, Andrea" Shane said, without even looking at her.

"I didn't authorize this meeting. And I don't appreciate you going behind my back." she snapped.

"I'm...uh...I'm so sorry Ms. Harrison" Beth stuttered.

"Principal Harrison, Miss Greene." Andrea hissed.

"I'm sorry, Principal Harrison. It's just…that..." Beth started shaking and had tears in her eyes.

Andrea took a step forward, and was inches away from the younger, much shorter woman. She pointed her finger, right in her face and said "now you listen to me, Miss Greene."

"Nope" Rick stopped her from saying anything else.

"Andrea, Beth and I know each other. I wanted to talk to her, that's it. Don't put your finger in her face, and don't give her any shit about this. This was my idea."

"Officer Grimes…"

"Sheriff Grimes." Rick said, sternly

"Sheriff Grimes, you will refer to me as Principal Harrison while you are in this school." she said to him, her face almost red with rage.

"Yea, Andrea, that's not gonna happen." he shot back.

"You need to get the fuck out of my school. Right now."

"Or what...you're gonna call the cops? We're already here. Protect and serve, remember...Andrea?" Shane said, almost laughing.

"You assholes."

"Nice language to use in front of a child. I would like to have a word with Miss Greene. You can go now. Go on...shoo." Rick said, as Shane started laughing.

Rick moved his hands to tell Andrea to walk away, and with nothing left to say, and embarrassed in front of a teacher almost half her age, she turned around and stomped back to her office, the clicking of her heels echoing in the hallway.

"Wow." Beth said, quietly.

"Don't worry about her. She needs someone to put her in her place once in a while."

"Thank you." Beth whispered.

"You're welcome." Rick smiled.

"I'll bring these out to the car." Shane said, as he got the remainder of the pamphlets and left the building.

Rick knelt down to say hello to Jo, who surprised them both when she took two steps towards him and wrapped her arms around his neck.

He stood up, with Jo resting her head on his shoulder, and with his heart racing, he stammered for a moment before asking Beth if she wants to go to dinner.


	8. Saturday

**Well, you only need the light when it's burning low,  
Only miss the sun when it starts to snow,  
Only know you love her when you let her go.  
Only know you've been high when you're feeling low  
Only hate the road when you're missing home  
Only know you love her when you let her go...  
And you let her go.  
Staring at the bottom of your glass  
Hoping one day you'll make a dream last  
But dreams come slow, and they go so fast  
You see her when you close your eyes  
Maybe one day you'll understand why  
Everything you touch surely dies  
Only know you love her when you let her go**

 **Staring at the ceiling in the dark  
Same old empty feeling in your heart  
'Cause love comes slow, and it goes so fast  
Well you see her when you fall asleep  
But never to touch and never to keep  
Cause you loved her too much, and you dived too deep  
Well you only need the light when it's burning low**

 **And you let her go  
And you let her go**

 **Passenger – Let Her Go (edited** )

Rick didn't sleep at all on Friday night. At three o'clock on Saturday morning he got out of bed and started pacing around the house. He sat on the couch and picked up the "Chicken Soup for the Soul" book that Jessie gave to him, and flipped through a few pages.

He thought some inspirational passages would help his state of mind.

"The ache of grief is always there, but the emptiness will lift one day. Their life to us the greatest gift, and only by living can it be repaid."

"So it's true, when all is said and done, grief is the price we pay for love."

"I feel robbed when people die. A sense of "damn, I had a lot more moments planned with this person" and it's in part utterly selfish and in part grief that whoever it was is missing everything. Forever. This only gets worse over the years."

He threw the book on the floor, and climbed up the stairs to the bedroom. He willed himself not to look at the urn while he pulled on a pair of shorts and a tee shirt. He ate a quick breakfast and went out for a jog around his neighborhood. It was a long time since he took care of himself.

After two hours of running, he got back to his house. He took a long, hot shower. Then got dressed into a pair of blue jeans and a white button down shirt. He put off the conversation as long as he could, but his legs took him to his dresser.

"Lori, baby. Please don't hate me for moving on. My life has been pure shit without you and the kids. I don't even know if this is moving on…it's just a lunch date. But I have to live again. I know you wouldn't want me to live like this. Don't ever think for a second that I'll ever stop thinking of you. I love you, I love you Carl, and I love you Judy."

He kissed the tips of the index and middle finger on his right hand, and placed the "kiss" on the side of the urn.

Since Beth had Jo, and no family members or close friends, their "first date" consisted on going to the local Chuck-E-Cheese rather than dinner and a movie. Rick followed her directions and drove about twenty miles out of town. He noticed it was so peaceful and quite. The Atlanta sun was unforgiving, and already making the day uncomfortable.

He stopped his car at the edge of the driveway and got out to get the newspaper that was sitting on the grass. He went down the long driveway, and was amazed at the size of the land. It was a true farm. The heat, combined with a slight breeze, let him know there was fresh fertilizer around.

The cop in him noticed so many things that should be changed; an empty horse stable would be the perfect place for someone to hide out until Beth was off the property. The barn door was open, and he caught a glimpse of some of the farm equipment that could be stolen.

The house was big and old, filled with thin windows that would easily be broken. Rick knocked on the door, and when she opened it he was speechless. Beth looked stunning. She wore a white sundress with yellow flowers on it, her golden hair was pulled back in a ponytail, and she wore minimal cosmetics…she didn't need to cover her face with crap to look good. She smiled as she welcomed him inside, and accepted the bouquet of flowers. Jo came over and took Rick by the hand, and pulled him inside.

Inside the house was like an oven. The home was too old to have central air conditioning, and the one window unit she had in the kitchen barely cooled that room. He could tell that she lived alone, because just like him, she didn't have anyone to clean up for. He could tell she gave up.

She showed him around the house, and Jo wanted to show him her room. She had several toy characters from the movies The Little Mermaid, Frozen and Beauty and the Beast. Beth tried to get her to stop talking, but Rick said it was fine. He tried not to let his mind think of what Judy would have been into. With a smile he listened as she told him all about Elsa, Ariel and Belle.

When she said she was hungry, that was the signal for them to leave. Jo ran over to the kitchen door and put on her shoes. Rick saw that she had trouble tying the laces, and got to his knees to help. Beth hid a smile, and walked out the door after Rick opened it for them.

Beth instinctively walked to her car, Maggie's sixteen year of Chevy. Rick offered to drive, but Beth said Jo's car seat was in her car.

As a cop, Rick helped hundreds of people install car seats. It took seconds for him to unhook the booster seat from his car and install it securely to his car.

Jo, who had little contact with other children outside of school, loved running around and playing with the other kids at the pizza place. It gave Rick and Beth a chance to sit and talk. She said that Jo was named after Josephine, Maggie's mother. She and Maggie were half-sisters. Josephine died of cancer when Maggie was three, and a few years after that Hershel married Annette, her mother.

"What about Jo's daddy?" Rick said, as he took a sip of flat Pepsi and kept one eye on the raven haired child running around.

"He's a deadbeat. He delivers pizza for a local place, and dumped Maggie when she wanted him to get a better paying job to support the two of them. He left, and didn't even go to the funerals."

"Sorry." Rick said, softly.

"S'alright. It's busy, but I wouldn't trade her for anything."

"So you haveta take care of the animals, farm, house, Jo and work? When do you sleep?" Rick chuckled.

"Yep, and I don't. I love the house because it's the home I grew up in, but it's too much sometimes. I usually wake up around three, and get to bed at ten or so." Beth said, with a half-hearted smile.

Rick was stunned. "What about farmhands? That's way too much. Full time job and taking care of everything by yourself."

The conversation flowed easily, and when Jo said she was ready to go, Rick suggested the three take a walk around an attached mall.

Jo walked in the middle, holding both Beth and Rick's hand. They were walking peacefully, until they turned the corner and bumped into Andrea.

"Well, isn't this cute." She sneered, looking at the three, before turning her attention to Beth and staring her down.

"You having a good weekend, Andrea?" Rick asked, as he pulled Jo closer and put his arm around Beth.

"Aren't you two cozy." She said, ignoring Rick's question and was trying to intimidate Beth, who wasn't taking the bait. She wasn't even looking at her boss.

"Have a good day, Andrea." Rick said, as he pulled Beth away from his former friend.

Andrea started to say something, but Beth turned her head and walked away with Rick.

Beth was giggling on the way back to her house. Rick told her that he went to school with Andrea, and for a while it was the four of them…Shane, Andrea, him and Lori. Shane and Andrea were like oil and water. The only chemistry between them was explosive.

"So that's why you two called her Andrea. She was so mad!" Beth gloated.

"Oh yeah…don't let her intimidate you. She puts up a tough exterior, but under that she's nothing."

They soon got back to the Greene farm, and Beth got out of the car while Rick got Jo out of her seat.

Jo ran to play in the long grass, while Beth, who still had to milk the cows again before starting dinner, looked for her house keys. She tore through her purse, as Jo came running up the front steps with a kitten from one of the barn cats.

"We'll see, Jojo," Beth said, flustered, as she searched her pockets, then looked through the kitchen window and saw the keys on the kitchen counter.

She sighed, and Rick asked if she has a spare. Beth nodded and lifted up the dirt filled flower pot that was next to the door, pulled out the extra key, and opened the door.

"You're kidding, right?" Rick asked.

"No, that was where mama always kept it." Beth said, defensively.

"You don't use the deadbolt?" He asked, as he stepped into the sweltering kitchen. He immediately turned the window unit on, then watched as it sputtered and stopped. "Shit."

"Gonna be another long night." Beth said.

"Do you at least have fans?"

"No."

"Beth, I don't think it's healthy to sleep like this."

"We open the windows and sometimes catch a breeze. It's not so bad."

"Cows mama." Jojo added to the conversation.

"In a little bit, honey."

"I'm hungry." The child said.

"Okay. Alright. Rick, would you like to stick around for dinner? On nights like this, when it's really busy I usually order a pizza. I still haveta milk the cows, feed the chickens and pigs."

Rick waited in the house with Jo while Beth did her chores outside. He looked around the home and saw dozens of family pictures. Beth with a brown haired girl, whom Rick assumed was Maggie, Beth smiling as she held her arms up in the "victory" stance as she was holding her college diploma. She was pictured with her parents, and weeks later, everything changed.

He opened a few windows in the hopes of cooling the place off. A distant rumble of thunder told him that they may get a break when the rain started.

The house was huge, and old. The décor was what he assumed was her mother's. Beth mentioned that the land has been in her family for over one hundred and sixty years. He wondered how old the house was. He saw dozens of security and safety flaws. Flimsy locks on the windows downstairs, and they were close enough to the ground that it would be easy to break in. The glass on the doors was thin, and there were no deadbolts. The house was probably built during a time when they didn't have to worry about the level of crime they have now. Back in a more peaceful time when you didn't have to worry about locking your doors.

He looked at the electrical outlets in the kitchen. Regular outlets were everywhere, no GFCI. That makes the house a firetrap.

He watched Beth run around and finally run into the house, her clothes filthy and she was sweating profusely.

"I'm gonna take a real quick shower." She pulled a twenty out of her wallet and put it on the counter. "That should take care of the pizza. I'll be right back."

Rick nodded, and thought how awkward the date was. However, he was becoming more concerned about her safety in the house, and the large property would make it easy for someone to do something to her without anyone hearing. It was just her and a four year old. She had to take care of the animals and be outside, alone, early in the morning and late at night. He was become very fond of her, and he started to have feelings for her that he hadn't had since Lori.

He snapped back to reality when he saw a car speeding down the driveway. From the triangle shaped sign sign on the roof, he assumed it was the pizza. He left Beth's money where it was, and paid for it himself.

She ran to the table just as he was putting Jo's plate in front of her, and thanked him for paying for the dinner.

There was lingering awkwardness you would normally have on a first date, but they were becoming comfortable with each other. He tiptoes around the subject, but eventually asked her if she ever thought of selling the house and getting into a condo. Downsize. She has more than one hundred acres she needs to tend to, plus animals, plus a child and a full time job.

She said that she sells the milk to a local dairy, but never thought about selling the cows. She likes the pigs and chickens, but even though she grew up on a farm, she doesn't want to run one. This was her childhood home, and she wants to hold onto it. Her only mistake was selling Nelly, but at the time she was strapped for cash and had to do it. She explained that although the house was paid for, and she has the life insurance money from her parents and sister, plus the settlement from the car wreck, she feels as though she'd be letting her parents down if she dipped into the money.

"I never thought about selling the cows. My dad always took care of them, and he made it look easy. He was retired, and had all day long to do that stuff. My mom took care of me and the house. I have to do everything, and it's too much sometimes." She said, her voice cracking just a little.

Jo finished with her dinner, so Beth smiled at her daughter and let her get down and go play.

"I haven't slept past three am in years. Every day is the same. It's like when I have to do something I think of a million other things I have to do, but I never get to them. And running the house by myself. I haven't watched TV in months. I always pictured decorating my home for Christmas morning with my kids, but I don't have the time. Jo's getting older now, but I haven't put up a tree yet. I barely have time to go to the store. Sasha, she's the eighth grade teacher, will cover for me if I need to run out at lunch to get something, but…it's just that my mom was one of those coupon ladies. She could buy bags and bags of stuff and pay less than a dollar. In three years I just now ran out of laundry and dish soap. Jo hates going to the store. Her teacher talked to me a while ago. She thinks she's autistic. It would make sense because whenever we go to a noisy place she flips out. I have to schedule a doctor appointment for her, but then I have to take a day off, and Principal Harrison never approves me for taking a personal day. I have three years' worth of personal and vacation time, but she always says no. Patricia, that's the lady who lived down the road, she babysat Jo when she was a baby, but she died a few months ago. There are so many things I want to do with Jo, like tonight would be a perfect night for her to play in one of those little plastic pools, but I don't have time to do anything. I'm sorry." She said, as she covered her face with her hands and quietly sobbed.

Rick moved his chair to sit right next to her, and enveloped her in a tight hug. When her forehead landed on his shoulder, and she felt his hand rub her back, she emotionally broke and started sobbing uncontrollably.

A few hours later, after Jo was asleep and Beth had calmed down, and Rick switched the little girl's car seat back to the old Chevy, he went back to where Beth was sitting on the front porch. For a few minutes they just sat in silence, listening to the rain. The heat was broken, at least for the moment. Rick looked over at Beth, and thought she looked beautiful. The only light was coming from inside, and Beth thanked him for listening while at the same time apologizing for a disastrous first date.

Rick chuckled, and said that he didn't think it was a disaster. He'd like to get to know her a little better.

Beth felt the exhaustion deep with in her. Every breath was tiring. She looked down at Rick's hand and let him guide her. The gentleness in his touch was surprising, and strangely comforting. Rick looked at the petite young woman standing just in front of him. Her fear was evident in the tight lines around her mouth and unnaturally pale skin. Her hands rested on his chest, and he could feel her body tremble.

"Rick, I've never…"

"I know. It's alright. I care about you, Beth. Think about what we talked about. Do whatever it takes to make your life easier. You're so young, it shouldn't have to be this way."

Beth nodded her head as she locked eyes with Rick. She felt at home in his arms. She knew he was still grieving his family, just as she was mourning hers. After he held her when she cried earlier, she felt as though he _knew._ He knew and didn't have to say anything.

He kissed her forehead gently, and asked to see her again soon.

"Absolutely." She said with a smile.

He smiled as he squeezed her hand, then walked down the steps in the rain and got into his car, the small rocks in the driveway pelting the underside of his vehicle as he pulled away.


	9. Time

Sunday went as normal as possible for Beth. She thought about how she had to tend to the cows. If it was raining, snowing, bitter cold or simmering hot, she had to do her job. For milk she didn't drink. She thought about what Rick said, about selling all the animals. She only wanted Nelly back, because that was her father's favorite horse.

After doing her outside work, she took a cool shower and spent the day with Jo. That was their day together. In the back of her mind was Miss Jenner's voice, saying she thought Jo may be autistic. If that were the case, she needed to devote all her extra time to her de facto daughter. Over one hundred acres of land…maybe she could sell some of it. The late October heat wave lifted, so the days were more comfortable.

Nothing was open on Sunday. The majority of business were closed for "family" day. An obscene slap in the face to those who didn't have a family. Anymore.

She turned on Jo's cartoons and powered up her computer. After looking at the prices for cattle, she was speechless. She didn't know they were worth that much. The cow pen she would keep. She thought that after a thorough cleaning it could be a place to relax. Her granddaddy and daddy built it with their own hands. The chicken coop was bought at a store, and the pigpen was just a fenced in. She never told her parents, but she hated the pigs. She always thought of Dorothy from The Wizard of Oz, and was scared that she'd fall into the pen. She was tired. Bone tired. She was tired of dealing with shit all day. Stepping in shit to milk the cows. Shoveling shit to clean the cow and pig pen. Cleaning up the shit from the chickens. Andrea. The queen of shit. She loved her job, but wanted to teach, not be a puppet who tried to show seventh graders how to appreciate classic literature when half are texting in a language she'll never understand.

A mid-day text from Rick made her smile. "Had a great time. Hope to see you again soon."

She thought that maybe she could finally ask Andrea for a personal day and start to chip away at the mountain of work she had in front of her. Maybe Rick could help. She didn't want to ask him to do too much.

As she drove to work on Monday morning, she made several decisions. She'll sell the dozen cows, the thirty pigs and two dozen chickens. She printed out the going rate for Holsteins, Dexters and two Lowline Bulls. She would be happy to see the pigs go, American Yorkshire, and two Heifers. The dozens of chickens could go too, along with the coop. The land was large enough for her to permantly park Maggie's car in her parking spot, and buy one of her own. All the farm equipment…tractors, fertilizer spreaders, harvesters, mowers and blowers. Stuff she didn't know how to work. Stuff that was just collecting dust. She couldn't handle a one hundred acre farm by herself. She knew that. She tried to all these years, but she couldn't. She could handle the house, and a much smaller piece of land. Maybe have a life with Rick. Maybe a few dogs. And Nelly. She wants Nelly back. She wants her life back.

She got to the school with a smile on her face. When she walked into the office Andrea was waiting by the sign in sheet.

"Good morning Principal Harrison. Hope you had a good weekend." Beth said, with confidence.

She folded her arms across her chest and said "Well. I seems like you had a good time. You have a smile on your face."

"Yes I do." Beth said, deflecting any hostility that Andrea was trying to throw her way.

"Do you plan on seeing him again?" She asked, as her voice sounded louder as the anger on her face was more than evident.

"What I do on my personal time in my personal business, Principal Harrison." Beth said, as she confidentially walked away and headed to her classroom.

Andrea was hot on her heels, and followed her until she got inside the classroom.

"Are you gonna see him again?"

As if on cue, the intercom paged "Miss Greene" to the office. Beth locked her purse in the bottom drawer of her desk, then went back to the office, Andrea was her shadow the entire time.

There was a stunningly beautiful bouquet of flowers, in a glass vase. Amy and Jacqui were watching as Beth's face lit up and pulled the card out of the arrangement.

"Have a wonderful day. Hope to see you soon. Rick."

Andrea was hovering over her, trying to get a peek at the card.

"They're from him, aren't they? Tell me." She was so mad she almost spat.

"Have a great day everyone" Beth said, as she took the glass vase and walked away.

Beth sent a text to Rick, thanking him for the flowers. He texted back, saying that he's off on Thursday, and maybe he can swing by and take her out for lunch. She happily agreed, and the date was set.

She nervously spoke to Sasha, who wanted details about what happened and what's going on. Beth offered to have Sasha over to her home that evening to talk about everything.

Beth smiled as she left the school at the end of the day, avoiding eye contact with Andrea. She got back to her home, the house she still shares with her parents. Her older sister was there, and she couldn't wait to tell everyone about the handsome police officer who stopped in just to see her. She gleefully mentioned how Rick put Andrea in her place.

After dinner, Sasha and Beth were sitting at the kitchen table, talking about Rick. Sasha wanted to know all the details. While Beth was talking about Rick, Sasha pulled up the Kings County website, and found Rick's picture.

"Oh my god...he's so handsome! And you should have seen Miss Harrison. She was so mad."

"This him?" she asked.

"YES! Oh my God, Sasha, and he's interested in ME! Can you believe that...a guy like that being interested in me."

"He's cute."

"He's so nice. He lost his family like two and a half years ago. That's how I met him, from that grief support group I go to. Jojo loves him."

"How many time have you been out?"

"Once. Just one time. We can't go anyplace because of Jo, so we went to Chuck E cheese. He was so cool. Then we went to the mall and bumped into Andrea…Miss Harrison. They went to high school together, he always calls her Andrea. And she was so angry when I got the flowers. He was here and told me to use the deadbolts and be safe."

"Well, if he's a cop, and he already has a loss, he's probably gonna be protective. And why can't you go out on a real date?"

"I don't have a sitter. Nobody I can trust."

"Hello! Girl, I'm right in front of you."

"You wouldn't mind?"

"Really? C'mon girly."

The two ladies laughed, then Sasha told Beth she needs to think about changing her clothing. "Sundresses are cute, but you wear too many. C'mon. Let's see what you have."

It was sweltering in Beth's bedroom, as the relentless Atlanta heat wouldn't let go of its grip on the area. Sasha opened a few windows, then turned around to see what kind of clothes Beth has.

"Most are Maggie's. We were the same size."

"We have work to do. No more sundresses. What size bra do you wear?"

Beth shrugged her shoulders, so Sasha turned her around and lifted her shirt to read the tag on the back. "Okay. 34C. you've got some nice boobs. You have to show them off. That bra looks like its ten years old. I'm gonna stop at Victoria's Secret and get you some real underwear. Don't make any plans this Saturday. We're going shopping."

"I can't. Jojo..."

"Got it covered. Don't worry."

Sasha got Beth's shirt and pant size, and said she'd take care of everything.

On Thursday, Beth showed up to work wearing a pair of black pants, small heel shoes, an ivory colored shirt and a brown scarf, which Sasha tied around her neck.

At lunch time, she stopped into the office and told Amy she's stepping out for a while. Andrea appeared out of nowhere, and demanded to know what was going on. Beth tried to avoid Andrea and any conversation they would have, but she was stuck.

"Just going out for lunch, Principal Harrison."

"With your cop boyfriend?"

"What I do with my personal time is my personal business."

Andrea was stammering for the words to say, when the office door opened and Rick walked in.

He walked over to Beth and told her she looks beautiful. Then he turned to Andrea and asked if there was a problem.

After a few tense moments, the older blonde shook her head no.

"Great." Rick looked at Beth and extended his arm for her to take, and said "Let's go."

Saturday night, the early November weather was starting to cool things off. Rick showed up at the Green farm for a proper date, since Sasha was able to watch Jo.

The third date. Make it or break it.

After a romantic dinner and a walk around the park at dusk, they thanked Sasha and were alone. Jo was asleep in her bed, and Rick and Beth were on the porch, weeks making a difference between smothering heat and a cool, gentle breeze. Beth mentioned how her father never wanted to leave the farm, so after the accident, her parents and her sister were cremated and their ashes spread around the property.

Rick didn't want to push her. She didn't say it, but from certain bit and pieces of conversation he knew she was a virgin. He hadn't been with anyone since Lori. He didn't want the throw away relationship, that's not him. He wanted a future with her.

She went back into the kitchen to refill their glasses of iced tea. Rick's heart was pounding. When she came back out, he stood up and took the glasses from her hand.

She's pretty sure she heard him say, "come here," but before she even really knew what was happening, his lips pressed against hers. They both moaned a little at the long-awaited, long-anticipated feeling. Both of his hands were on the back of her head, pulling her deeper into him. She was numb; her hands stayed at her sides as she felt his tongue rub hers. She felt herself getting wetter with every movement of his tongue against hers. His lips moved across her face, stopping briefly at her ear and then down to her neck, she was visibly trembling, and had butterflies in her stomach. She reached her hand around the back of his neck, and pressed her forehead against his.

"Rick…" she said, her voice lower than it usually was.

"I don't want to make you feel uncomfortable. I wanted to do that. I want a future with you, Beth."

Their eyes met and locked onto each other.

"Do you want to come inside?" She asked, after a few moments.

Rick smiled, and said "yes."


	10. Closer

The early Sunday morning sun lit the sky ablaze. It was going to be a good day. Rick was in the shower, and Jo was still asleep. She went out of the house to do her normal farm work, knowing with a smile that this will be the last time.

She was just about to step into the shower as Rick was getting out. He decided to stay in the shower with her. "You okay?" he asked, as he kissed her neck. She moved her fingers over the tattoo on his right breast, with the names Lori, Carl and Judy. The ink had the dates of their birth, and the due date of Judy, along with their date of death.

"Mmmmm…yeah" she said. Her crotch still hurt. Rick had taken her virginity just hours ago. He was so gentle, so caring, and so loving. She was falling for him, and falling hard.

Philip Blake, the man with whom Beth spoke about selling the cows, chickens and pigs, was going to be there by seven o'clock. Rick was leery of the man, who was aware of Beth being alone on a large property, wanting to come so early in the morning. Rick helped Jo with her breakfast, and cleaned up while Beth saw two large animal transport vehicles tore up the driveway, and Beth said she'd be right back.

She wore a button down shirt, and had her cell phone's video feature switched on. Rick said he'd be out in just a moment. They parted with a kiss, and Beth went outside to see the man.

Rick tended to Jo as he watched Beth talk to a very tall man with black hair. He had six other men with him, and they started looking around the property, some going far away from the animals.

"Hello Mr. Blake." She said, as she shook his hand. "Well, there're over here." She motioned, since he wasn't paying attention to her. She called his name to get his attention, and followed her as she walked toward the cows.

She felt his eyes over walk all over her as she showed him the dozen animals.

He's face dropped and he started to shake his head "no."

"Well, I can tell you take care of them, but there's not what I'm looking for. I'll give you one hundred dollars for all twelve."

"But, you said over the phone that you'd pay a few hundred for each. And that's a bargain because online it says they're worth almost a thousand each."

Blake laughed. His voice dripped with condescension as he talked to Beth as though she was a little girl.

"Sweetie, one hundred buck in your hand, right now. That beats whatever you'll get with someone else. Time's ticking. I'll take the pigs too. You have about twenty? I'll take them all. Fifty bucks. I'll take the chickens and the coop. Another fifty. I can have everything loaded up an out of that pretty hair of yours and you can have two hundred dollars in your hands. That's a lot of money."

"Wait," Beth started, and was immediately intimidated. "I've done the work on line. The bulls, the heifers, they can sell for five hundred each. And my daddy paid two hundred for the coop just a few years ago."

"Cost of living, sweetie. I'll take a look at your farm machines. The tractors, and those other things. The stuff you don't need and can't possibly use. It too much for a little thing like you."

Beth shook her head, thinking that she was being taken advantage of. She was about to tell Philip no, and asked him to leave.

"There a problem?"

Beth was relieved and was never happier to see Rick. He came outside in blue jeans, a white tee shirt and a long sleeve brown jacket. His gun belt was firmly wrapped around his waist, and his badge was hanging on a chain around his neck. He was holding Jo in one arm, and the little girl's arms were wrapped around his neck.

Philip started to stutter.

"No sir, officer, we were just wrapping up business here."

"So, you decided on five hundred per cow, seven hundred per bull and one thousand for all the pigs. That's $7,400." And we haven't discussed the chickens yet. Rick said, confidently, as he walked forward and draped his arm around Beth's shoulder.

The six other men snapped to attention and a few got back into one of the vehicles, while others stood between Philip and the transport vehicles.

"You wouldn't try to swindle her, would you?" Rick asked, as his hand reached into Beth's pocket and pulled out the cell phone. "You've been recorded ever since you got here." Rick said, still holding the phone.

"Can I write you a check?" He asked, once he realized there was nothing left to say.

"No. Cash only." Rick retorted.

He nodded his head then reached into his pocket. He pulled out seventy four one hundred dollar bills.

Rick inspected each one of the bills to make sure they weren't counterfeit. The horses and pigs were loaded into the transport vehicles, and Rick shook hands with Philip, and said "I'll be in touch."

Rick was adamant that he would not take a penny from Beth. He wasn't scheduled to work until Wednesday, and he planned on helping Beth with settling things around the farm. Helping her took his mind off his own life.

Rick made sure the windows and doors were all locked, including the deadbolts, before he took Beth and Jo in his car to his house.

"It's beautiful." Beth said, as she walked around the Grimes home. Pictures of Lori and Carl were everywhere. "She's stunning. And Carl's very handsome."

"Thanks" Rick said, with a stiff smile, feeling proud to show off his family, but distraught because he felt as though he was cheating on Lori.

"I'm sorry." She said.

"Thanks." He responded.

"Are you alright with moving on? I mean, not to sound like a shrink, but, it's good. You have to live again, right?" She asked.

"Yeah. I know Lori. She wouldn't want me to wallow in misery for two and a half years."

"She sounded wonderful."

The next hour was spent on Rick's couch, looking through photo albums and Rick telling Beth all about Lori and Carl. The more he talked to Beth about Lori, the better he felt, and the more confident he became about his life after such a tragic loss.

Jo was getting cranky, and since there was little food left in Rick's house, they went back to the Greene farm. The ride back to her home included talking about setting up her own bank account with the money she got from Philip Blake, and possibly talking to a realtor about selling the excess land. Beth was more confident than ever. She was ready to shrug off the bulk of the past, and start her life.

Beth didn't have a BBQ grill, so the only thing that was easy to prepare was pasta. She smiled, a real smile, when she realized she didn't have to take care of the cows and pigs. Rick took care of setting up someone to come over and take a look at the farm equipment.

That night, Beth left a message on the school's voice mail. She was taking a personal day. Two. Monday and Tuesday, and she'll be back on Wednesday.

She was nervous about how Andrea would react, but when she slid under the sheets with Rick, Andrea was the last thing on her mind.

It was only six fifty-five when the telephone rang, and when Beth checked the caller ID, it show that it was her school. She looked at Rick, a twinge of fear in her eyes, and he confidently picked up the phone and answered "hello?"

"Let me talk to Beth, now."

"Morning Andrea."

The longer the pause, the bigger Rick's smile became.

"Rick?"

"Yep?"

Another long pause, and Beth was doubled over with laughter when she looked at the facial expressions Rick was making.

"Is there something you want, Andrea? Beth is entitled to six personal days per year. You have never let her take any. She taking today, and tomorrow off. I can roll over and wake her up if you want to talk to her."

No response.

"Okay, well I hear you breathing, so you're still there. She'll see you on Wednesday. Don't call in the early morning, we're usually busy."

Rick hung up the phone and chuckled as Beth clapped her hands and rolled into his arms.

He wrapped his arms around her lower back and kissed her deeply.

"Thank you!" She almost squealed.

"You are very welcome." He smiled, and kissed her again.


	11. I'll keep you safe

In the two days Rick and Beth spent together, he helped her get everything in order. They cleaned up the house, and Rick stood by Beth when she opened the door to her parent's bedroom, the first time she was in there since the day before the accident.

Beth knew what she had to do. She went into her father's closet, and put all the clothes in black trash bags. She checked all the pockets of each garment, remembering her dad's habit of keeping money in some places. After loading up a dozen bags with all the clothes from his closet, she cleaned out his dresser.

She was a little more emotional when she cleaned out her mother's closet and dresser. Beth decided against keeping certain shirts. She loved her parents, but a clean break was needed. She loved the furniture, and wanted to keep that, but Rick ordered a new mattress set. With new paint and curtains, the room was transformed within a week.

The Wednesday she returned to work, Rick followed her in his cruiser, then walked her and Jo to the office. Rick crouched down and got a hug and a kiss from Jo, before she ran off to her classroom.

Rick opened the door to the office and let Beth walk in before he did. Andrea was standing on one spot, and one could feel the tension in the room. Rick watched as she sign in, then Beth turned to give Rick a hug. He wrapped his arms around her waist and lifted her about a foot in the air. She whispered in his ear "I think a kiss would drive her crazy."

He nodded, and Without missing a beat as he cupped her face in his hands and their lips met, gently at first, then she put just the tip of her tongue in his mouth, and he responded be shoving his tongue into hers, "I gotta stop." He whispered, with a chuckle.

"Have a wonderful day." She said, with a huge smile.

Rick had to turn his back to the women in the office, and held his hat over his groin as he got to his car. Andrea, who was watching Beth the entire time, followed her to her classroom. She asked to speak with her in the hallway.

"Yes, Principal Harrison?"

Andrea just stared at Beth, trying to intimidate her. Andrea finally spoke "You fall or pull a muscle?"

"No, Why?"

"You're walking kinda funny. Is that a new scarf?"

"No, I've worn this before." Beth said, not breaking her stare with her taller boss.

"What happened to your neck?" Andrea said, her face turning red.

Beth flashed the hickey before covering it up, and said "I don't know what you're talking about. If you'll excuse me I have stuff to do."

Just as she started to walk away, Andrea grabbed her wrist and pulled her back. They were nose to nose.

"You fucked him, didn't you?"

"Let go of me" Beth yelled, getting the attention of other teachers who filtered into the hallway.

"You filthy little whore."

Beth tried to free her hand, but Andrea had a tight grip on the young woman. "Let go of me, Andrea."

The slap echoed through the hallway. Other teachers ran to diffuse the situation, and Sasha pulled Beth into the classroom and shut the door. Two teachers forced Andrea back to the office. Beth was on the verge of tears and holding her face. Sasha said that what happened was an assault, and she should press charges. She nodded her head, but her hands were shaking when she called tried to call Rick. Sasha offered to talk, since Beth was on the verge of crying. Rick recognized the number and answered, "Hey baby."

"Hi, um, Rick? Is this Rick?"

"Who's this?"

"This is Sasha, I teach next door to Beth. There was an incident a few minutes ago, and, um, Principal Harrison slapped Beth pretty hard. She's sitting here try not to cry, that's why I'm using her phone. She wanted me to call you."

"Alright. Thanks Sasha." Rick said, as Shane got into the car. He flipped on the lights and sirens, called for backup, and was back at the school within minutes. When he and Shane got to the school they were buzzed in and headed to Beth's room before Amy called their names and said that Beth was in the nurse's room, and pointed pointed to where the room was. Rick knocked on the door as he opened it, and saw Beth holding an icepack to her face. She was shaken, and was determined not to cry. She wouldn't let Andrea see her vulnerable.

"Do you want to press charges?" Rick asked.

"What will happen?

"She'll be arrested for assault, be taken to the police station, have her mug shot taken, and will probably spent a night or two in jail. You could also sue her for assault."

"Will she lose her job?"

"I'm not sure. Maybe." He looked at Jacqui, who was watching with concern. "Miss Jacqui, would you excuse us please?" He looked over at the nurse, who nodded as she left the room.

"What happened?" he asked, with genuine concern.

"She saw this" pointing to her hickey, "and called me a whore for sleeping with you. I called her Andrea, and she just slapped me. What should I do?"

"I'd press charges. Whatever happens, she'll deserve it. It's not your problem."

"Alright...I'll do it."

He nodded and kissed her forehead before leaving the room. Jacqui was standing outside the door, and he asked her to keep an eye on her. He asked Shane to go talk to their former friend.

Shane walked to Andrea's office and asked Bassett to leave.

"What the fuck is going on, Andrea."

"Principal Ha..."

"Shut the fuck up. What's wrong with you?"

"Do you know what's sick, Shane...that little problem we had in high school. If we went through with that, the kid would be almost her age."

"Well, we dodged that bullet. Better not to have anything to tie us together. Rick is finally happy. You don't know about the ocean of shit he had to go through. Leave Beth alone."

Rick opened the door to Andrea's office and said Beth was pressing charges. Shane nodded, and told Andrea to put her hands behind her back, as he started to handcuff her. He smirked as he read her the Miranda rights, while leading her to the door, then stopped, in the middle office. Amy was embarrassed about what her sister had done, and he was sure Jacqui was filming the incident using her phone, but he didn't care. Across the hallway from the office was the cafeteria, which was filled with fifth and sixth graders, all armed with cell phones.

"Can you make them stop? Please, Shane, make them stop recording."

"Nope." He chuckled as stood for just a moment in the hallway, making everyone see what was happening. He took his sweet time, then he led Andrea to the police car.

Rick insisted on calling the paramedics to check out Beth, and when they gave her a clean bill of health she was given the rest of the day off, and had to go to the police station to make a formal statement. When Beth got home, she was able to clean the house some more. She got a text from Rick saying he has to go to his shrink, but he'll be home later.

Andrea was arrested, and was Abe to post her own bail.

Hershel was a "packrat," and Beth went through boxes of trash bags, filling each one with miscellaneous things her father was unwilling to get rid of over the years. They were separated into piles, Goodwill and trash, and only a handful of things she kept. It felt cathartic to get rid of things from the past. She moved her clothes, and some of Maggie's, into her mother's closet and dresser, and at Sasha's urging, she used the internet to shop for new clothes, sexy undergarments for Rick to see, and new shoes. Every day she came home to a Kohl's, Macys or Dillard's package waiting for her at the door.

Rick showed her how to balance a checkbook and pay bills online. The money she made from the sale of the farm equipment, everything but the lawnmower, was put into her savings. There were less things around the house, and the animals were all sold, so she was able to sleep later. Her health improved, and she was able to focus more attention on Jo. Rick went with her to Jo's doctor appointment, when she was formally diagnosed with autism. Beth was obviously upset, but Rick immediately started to look into special schools. With the money Beth now had in savings, she was able to pay someone to come to the house a few evenings a week to work with her.

One concern Rick had was the car Beth drove. It was a sixteen year old Chevy, which she kept because it belonged to her sister. Rick urged her to think about getting something safer. He mind was racing when he brought up the idea of a minivan. It would be easier for transport Jo, and up to date with airbags and other safety features. Beth agreed, and Rick helped her negotiate a good price on a new van.

"I haven't see you this happy. Ever." Michonne told Rick.

"I feel like I'm alive again. I've read the books about moving on, and you almost haveta have a rebound fling before the real thing, but that's not me. When I'm with her, it's hard to explain, but I feel okay again. The first time I brought her to my home I felt like I was running around on Lori, but it was different. She was looking at the pictures, and was okay."

"Rick, your first few visits here, you were a mess. But I believe that no matter how much emotional pain someone is in, there is something in you that stronger than the pain. You can see it in the eyes who have held onto their dignity in the midst of adversity. The thing with grief is that there is no timeline. There are no quick fixes or an outline I can give to you that ties everything up in a neat bow. When you grieve someone, you grieve not only the person, but the future dreams and plans you had. But you've done a lot of work through your grief."

"It's still there, sometimes." He said, quietly.

"Of course it is. You never 'get over' grief. You just make room for it. Your first few visits I could feel the pain. The broken emotions. It was razor sharp and all consuming. But now, and in the future, it will whisper in the background while your life continues. Make a life with Beth, but never forget what you had with Lori."


	12. Moving Faster

**Don't, don't you know the kind of man I am  
No, said I'd never fall in love again  
But it's real and the feeling comes shinin' through  
I'm so caught up in you, little girl  
And I never did suspect a thing  
So caught up in you, little girl  
That I never wanna get myself free  
And baby it's true, you're the one  
Who caught me, baby, you taught me  
How good it could be  
You made me realize the love I'd missed  
So hot, love I couldn't quite resist  
When it's right, the light just comes shinin' through  
I'm so caught up in you, little girl  
You're the one whose got me down on my knees  
So caught up in you, little girl  
That I never wanna get myself free  
And baby it's true, you're the one  
Who caught me, baby, you taught me  
How good it could be**

 **38 Special - Caught Up In You Lyrics (edited)**

Katie, Rick's sister, her husband Michael, and their six children were sitting around the table, laughing as Beth told them about Andrea being humiliated in front of the school.

The Thanksgiving dinner was comfortable, and Beth was touched at how easily Rick's family accepted her.

He was watching her as she talked to his only living blood family. He couldn't help but admire her body, short, small, but curvy, with a button down shirt that fit snugly over her breasts, revealing just a hint of cleavage. Not slutty, but sexy. Her blonde hair flowed in long, golden locks around her.

Michael Murphy, was born and raised in Dublin, Ireland and moved to the Atlanta suburbs when he was just a child. He is full blooded Irish Catholic, hence the six children, Shannon, Eileen, Maureen, Conner, Daniel and Seamus, ranging in age from fourteen to four. Michael and his brother, Kevin, ran "Luck o'the Irish" Construction Company in town.

Rick knew he had strong feeling for Beth, he just didn't expect to fall head over heels in love with her.

He had very little things left at his old house. Whenever he was there he expected Lori to turn the corner. He knew he needed a change. He and Lori bought that house in the hopes of filling it up with children. He couldn't be there anymore.

Andrea was back from her six week suspension just in time for the Christmas break. She was cold as ice to Beth, who built up more confidence in being around her boss. She freely showed off the hickeys on her neck whenever Andrea was around, but covered them up when she went into the classroom.

Beth needed three cloth shopping bags to carry out all the presents she got from her students. She gleefully waved to Andrea when she left the building.

She felt that her life had begun. She had someone who loved her, and a father figure to Jo. She and Rick talked about a future together. Things were looking up, and she never felt better. She was starting the two weeks' vacation time for Christmas. She and Rick put up a tree, and she decorated the house, just as she always wanted to but never had the energy or reason to do so.

She and Rick were hosting a Christmas party in their home. Katie and Michel were going to be there, so were Shane, a few work buddies of Rick's, and Sasha, the only woman Beth considered a friend.

It was difficult to for her to maintain her excitement. She always loved Christmas. The saying was true; it was certainly the most wonderful time of the year. She felt as though she was coming out of a years long coma and was able to enjoy life again.

She pulled back the curtains and peered out of the window and shivered over the frigid air that seeped through the cracks of the pane. The snow was fresh, soft, fluffy snow that clung to branches and make the landscape looks like as postcard. As Jo was coloring while watching another episode of SpongeBob, Beth looked around the house, admiring the holiday décor that adorned their home. They put a lot of thought and effort into the layout. Their home was so beautiful. It could have been featured in anyone's holiday magazine spread. The tree was artificial, not because they didn't like real ones, but they believed fakes to be more convenient and less messy.

Artificial garland hung above the threshold that separated the living room from the dining room, red curtains trimmed in gold covered the windows, as red candle sticks lined the mantle. Christmas lights blinked off and on from the tree to the windows. Cinnamon scented candles flickered, illuminating the living room giving it a magical feel. She put on the old stereo system and chose the soundtrack to "Love, Actually."

Rick got home first, anxious to give Beth her early Christmas present. Her hands shook a little as she ripped open the paper of the box, and when she opened it she saw a pair of diamond earrings. Her green eyes lit up as she she looked at them, then as Olivia Olsen was singing "All I want for Christmas is You" she slipped them on, and Rick enveloped her into his arms. He kissed her neck, and left a trail of kisses from the sweet spot right below her ear to her collarbone.

"How much time do we have?" He whispered, after checking to make sure Jo was occupied.

"Enough" she chuckled, when she took him by the hand and led him into the downstairs power room.

Their first Christmas morning together. Beth woke up first, and rolled over to see Rick already awake and looking at her. She smiled, and they started kissing, her tongue dove deep into his mouth. His grip on her waist tightened as he held her against him and enjoyed the feel of her breasts pressing against his chest. Her nipples were hard, her heartbeat steady but quickening. She lifted her head away, and gazed at Rick. God, she loved this man. His hand slithered down her back as she breathed warmly upon his face. Her eyes were closed as she focused on his hands. Her gasp was nearly inaudible as he slipped a finger into her body, her sultry sound a nice contrast to the long low rumble tumbling down from the sky. He gently rolled a nipple between his fingers, enjoying her deepening breaths and the loving expression in her half-open eyes. He was still amazed that this woman had chosen to share her life, her body, and her soul with him.

She rolled onto her back, as Rick rolled to his side, admiring his woman. Their bond grew stronger over the past few months, and there was no place he's rather be than right here. She took his cock in her hand and gently stroked with her fingertips and he twitched several times in response. Her smile was even warmer than the bed, as she drew his lips closer until they kissed again.

He gently pressed into her. Her breathing hitched, her eyes widened, her lips parted, and her hands were both upon his hips to guide him into her. There are times when the pace is fast and hard, his thrusts possessive and her sounds bouncing off the walls. But this time was tender, Rick's thrusts varied in angle and depth to bring a variety of sensations to them both. Her hands were all over him, sometimes pulling him deeper into her body, sometimes feeling his heartbeat, sometimes cradling his face as he dipped his head to kiss her. This was their special moment of connection in the dimly-lit bedroom and the warmth of the bed. This was more about communicating a mutual desire than about a primal need. This was lovemaking. Lovemaking with the only one you love.

She pulled him back onto her as he continued to move both within her and against her, trying to remain quiet so that he could better hear her soft squeals and her lengthy moans. They fell into the familiar rhythm they perfected after more than a decade of marriage. He felt her body tighten and her breath was ragged as she flopped her head back on the pillow. Her soft, breathless noises undid him. He grabbed her hips, and he was holding her in place as he emptied himself into her. They were quite for a few moments, before Rick looked in her eyes and said "I love you so much."

"I love you so much too." She said with a smile.

Christmas morning was spent with the sound of Jo's laughter and the tearing of paper. Rick went overboard and bought dozens of presents. Each Rick and Beth were thinking back to one year ago, when they hadn't met yet.

Beth was overwhelmed with everything suddenly on her plate, and Rick was suicidal.

But that was a long time ago. They had each other, and Jo, and looked forward to a new life together.

Beth went over to Rick with a small box, and he smiled when he opened it up to find a new watch. He kissed her deeply, and said that her present is on its way.

The time for presents was over, and Rick's phone rang as he helped Beth clean up the wrapping paper. The phone call was short, just "yeah…okay...alright…be right out."

He asked Beth to get her jacket on, and helped Jo get dressed. He put a knit cap on Beth's head, then pulled it down over her eyes so she wouldn't peek.

She had a strong grip onto Rick's hand since she didn't know what was happening. She knew there was a car engine running, and she guessed that Rick bought her a car. But she already had a minivan…

"Okay, ready?" He asked.

She nodded her head.

"Alright….Merry Christmas, baby!"

He lifted the cap off her head, and before her stood Nelly. Rick bought him back from the farmer Beth sold him too.


	13. The Problem with Andrea

Andrea has always used her looks to get what she wants, and get who she wants. She developed breasts and her figure in eighth grade, and for her, high school was a playground. Her first lover, a man who she doesn't even remember, was a senior when she was a freshman. Their first date was a walk around a shopping mall, and when they got back to his car they started kissing. He was worried about doing things in public, but she didn't care.

When she was sitting in the passenger seat, she reached over and grabbed his crotch. She felt him get hard, and smiled as she unzipped his pants, and fished out his huge erection. He let out a loud moan when she put one of his balls into her mouth. She gently sucked it and tickled it with her tongue. She then switched to the other one. She was also stroking his thighs with her hands. She drenched his lap with her saliva. Starting at the root, she worked her way up to the sensitive underside of his cock, right under the head. She gave that area some kisses, and then teased him a bit with some long slow licks up and down the shaft. She finally put her lips around the whole head of his cock and started to gently suck him off, while fondling his balls with her hand, she slowly lowered her mouth over his entire cock, getting it deep inside her mouth.

He reclined his seat so he was lying down, and she removed her thong, but kept her skirt on. She slowly guided his tip to her entrance, and he grabbed her hips, pulling her down onto himself. She still takes pride in that's how she popped her cherry. She hurt for just a moment, then smiled as his huge member filled her need. She rocked her hips, and he started thrusting hard. He was so big, and she felt so good. She closed her eyes, not caring who was inside her, just that her physical need was met. She felt herself get close to the feeling she got when she played with herself. She felt his legs tense, and he let out an "uh..." while she felt a few hot jets of his cum go deep inside her. She never came. She started yelling at him that he didn't make her climax. He told her to fuck off and get out of his car.

She had her eyes locked on Rick Grimes. He was so handsome, so polite, and everything she wanted. But her had eyes for someone else. From the second he met Lori Wilson, he was hooked. Despite all her attempts to get his attention, break them up, and take her place in his heart, she always failed.

Another senior, whom she met a week later, was another name she forgot. He took her to the school's boiler room, and she led him to a dark corner. He bent her over the janitor's desk, and wasted no time at all diving into her, like a hungry dog. He hammered into her for half an hour before squirting his hot liquid deep inside her. He was rough, just the way she likes it. But he didn't do what she wanted, and told her to shut up. She was angry that she didn't have an orgasm with him. She yelled at him when he was getting dressed, but he just laughed.

A week after her encounter with the second man, she faked a headache to get out of going to her uncle's funeral. She was alone in the house, and called Shane to come over. She was wearing a long tee shirt and no panties. Shane knocked on the door, and she led him into her bedroom.

He took a seat on her bed and patted the spot next to him. She sat down and looked at him for a moment. Her gaze running top to toe in an appraising manner. Andrea shifted, swinging her leg over his so she straddled his legs. She didn't take her eyes from his as she brought her lips slowly to his. The kiss was soft, exploratory. She moved to nibble on his lower lip before bringing her lips back to his for a deep kiss. Their tongues thrust together, each trying to establish some kind of dominance. Shane's hands gripped her ass, pulling her down onto him and grinding his hips into her. He slipped his hands into them to caress the soft naked flesh underneath. Andrea followed suit her hands running over the defined ridges of Shane's abdomen underneath his shirt.

Andrea removed her hands, placing them instead on the buttons. She stopped kissing Shane to look at the smooth chest she unveiled with each button she undid. She was surprised by having a finger slipped inside her from behind and she pushed herself onto it. The last button came free and she slipped the shirt off his shoulders and admired the body of the man beneath her. He obviously took care of himself, something she definitely appreciated in this moment.

She moved her lips to his neck, sucking just enough to leave a light mark before running her tongue over his chest, giving each small nipple a testing tug and nip. The finger slowly stroking inside of her was removed and her shirt was pulled over her head and discarded. Shane's hands slid up over her hips and sides to cup the lush curves he had revealed. He pulled her to him so that he could enclose one tight nipple in his mouth. Andrea tipped her head back, spilling her long blonde hair down her back. Shane gave her nipple a small nip and when she reacted by pushing her hips harder into him she was rewarded with a more forceful bite that was sure to leave a lasting impression. The other nipple received the same treatment and Andrea felt herself become wet beyond belief.

When Shane was done lavishing attention on her breasts her lifted both her and himself from the bed. Andrea wrapped her legs round him to secure herself. He tipped both of them onto the bed, making sure his weight didn't hurt her and quickly removed the rest of his clothes.

She gasped when his mouth fell on the center of her, nothing gentle about the forceful licks her tingling clit was receiving. It didn't take long for her to quickly reach the edge and she allowed herself to be tossed over, screaming his name as her legs trembled around his head. Shane slowed his attentions allowing her to recover, avoiding her clit that was bordering on too sensitive after such an orgasm. Instead Andrea turned the two of them so she was kneeling between his legs and she brought her mouth to his rock hard cock. She gave him the same treatment he had her and dived right into the act. Wrapping her lips around him and using her tongue to wet all the shaft it could reach. Shane groaned and grabbed onto the bed sheets. Andrea swept her hair out of the way, allowing the softness of it to fall over his stomach but not obstructing his view of her lips locked over the head of his cock, sucking him into the wet heat. One hand settled on her head and she allowed it to push her down, taking as much of the large shaft as she could. She stopped when she felt the head touched her throat, not wanting to gag. She tightened her lips around him and slowly dragged them off.

He urged her off him and brought her to straddle him again. She knelt above him allowing him to bring the tip of him to her entrance. She waited until he moved his hands to her hips and pulled her downwards before she allowed herself to slide onto him.

Andrea felt herself being split slowly open by the large cock that was forcing its way into her. She could imagine the view Shane was getting and tightened her muscles in response to the provoking images. She made it most of the way down, feeling him pressed tight against her cervix along with every possible part of her insides. She had never felt so full to bursting. Shane brought his legs up and planted his heels. He spread his legs wide and began to rock within her, not really moving in or out. Her hands held his shoulders and her teeth bit her lip as she felt that last inch slide impossibly inside her. He allowed her time to adjust to the intrusion before urging her hips to move. Andrea complied, alternating her movements from grinding against his pubic bone which sent a sharp jolt through her clit with sliding up and down his length rapidly.

Shane's hands played with her breasts, toying with her hard nipples, trying to tease the peaks even larger. He was enjoying both the view and the feel of being sunk deep within her, enjoying the view of her bringing herself close to another orgasm, fucking herself on his cock, using it for her own pleasure. He watched as her teeth sunk into her lip, her hands tightened their grip on him, her nails dragging at his flesh. He enjoyed the ripples of her muscles on him as she came again. She pushed herself onto his full length and held there as her second orgasm of the night wracked her body. A long, low, drawn-out moan was the only sound that escaped her lips. She stayed seated on him as small aftershocks prolonged her orgasm.

"I make you cum?"

"Yes. Finally. Fucking finally."

"Good. I gotta go. We'll do this again."

And so they did. Throughout high school, until one day in junior year, about a month after she caught him fucking someone else. They broke up for a while, and she was standing at his locker when he got there in the morning.

The one she wanted in her bed, Rick, was walking behind Shane, his hand in Lori's and carrying her books in the other. Ever the gentleman.

"Hey Blondie. You want a little pickle tickle to start your day?" He laughed. "Alright...let's go to the bathroom."

Her response was a slap across his face. He instinctively slapped her back, knocking her onto the floor. That caught the attention of everyone in the hallway, and a classmate helped her up. She seethed when she said "I need to talk to you. Right now."

He glared at her, and walked away, heading towards the side door of the school. Andrea ran after him, and when they were alone outside she told him that she was pregnant.

"No fucking way it's mine. No fucking way."

"Well, it is, and you're responsible. You need to step up. I expect a diamond on my finger and you to man up.

"You want me to marry you? Are you fucking kidding me? You're a fucking whore. You fucked almost every guy here. Including a few teachers. It's not mine."

They continued fighting, until the bell rang and they had to go in to their classes. They didn't see each other for the rest of the day. Rick was the only one who had his driver's license and a car. He drove Shane home, who was unusually quiet. Shane just offered up a "later" to Rick and Lori, who was sitting right next to him.

Over the next two weeks, Shane convinced Andrea to have an abortion. They were too young. They couldn't handle the responsibility. They had to go to college and have a life. He wore her down. Although Shane didn't have a license, he drove Andrea to the local Planned Parenthood and waited in the lobby while she had an abortion. He drove her home without a word. He stopped the car in front of her parent's house, and told her to get out. The following Monday, just two days later, Andrea was back at school. She avoided Shane for a while, and eventually summer break came. They lived in a small town, but he did everything to avoid her.

They resumed their sex life in their senior year, still not using condoms. She was attracted to Shane at a primal level; it was not love. It was pure sex.

Sophomore year in college, she was thankful that Lori, her roommate, since spent so much time with Rick. She fucked almost every man in the dorm, but only Shane could make her have an earth shattering orgasm. Time went on, and her hatred for Lori grew. The next year, junior year, she heard that Rick and Lori were engaged. She wanted to fuck Rick. Not because she liked him, but because she wanted to hurt Lori.

She went to Rick and Shane's room, and walked in without knocking. She caught Rick and Lori making love, and got a good look at his naked ass.

"Andrea, get the fuck out!" Rick yelled.

"I need to talk to Shane. It's important."

"He's not here. Get out."

"I'll wait."

Lori, who is usually quiet and avoids confrontations, pushed Rick's shoulder aside and said "Andrea, Shane's not here. Please leave."

"Fuck off, Olive Oyl. Seems to me that cancer took the wrong sister. You're next."

Rick yelled "get the fuck out now!" and picked up a book on Greek Mythology, the only thing close. He threw it at her, almost hit her in the head, and two guys on the same floor, Abraham Ford and Eugene Porter, dragged Andrea out of the room. Abe shut and locked the door, and the men could be heard yelling at Andrea.

Lori took the words to heart, and started crying. It was only three months after her only sister died of breast cancer at the age of twenty one. The wound was still raw, and Lori broke down in deep sobs. Rick tried to comfort her the best he knew how, just letting her cry on his shoulder and rubbed her back. She was inconsolable. Rick thought he could make it all better. He wanted to try. He held Lori tightly, and told her how much he loved her. When she calmed down a little, he gave Lori a sip of the bottled water he had, helped her get dressed. It was at that point, especially since they were already engaged, that Rick decided that she move the remainder of her stuff from the room she shares with Andrea and live with him.

Later that day, Andrea met up with a nameless man again, and they were having sex in her bed. Shane walked in, without knocking, and interrupted the two. The man pulled out, grabbed his clothes and headed to the small bathroom. Shane and Andrea started screaming at each other, and Andrea told him that they have another situation.

"What situation?"

"Same as in high school."

"Are you fucking kidding me? AGAIN? Didn't you get fixed or something? Well, it sure as hell ain't mine." The man walked by them as they were yelling at each other. Shane grabbed the man by the arm and said "spread the word, bro. She likes to fuck, and now she's pregnant. The father is anyone with a dick."

"Ain't mine." he said as he left the room.

"I came here to tell you to leave Lori alone. Rick's like my brother. I look at Lori as a sister. She's been through really bad shit."

"I don't care about Lori. We need to talk."

"No we don't and you're on your own with this one."

"You're the father."

"Bullshit." Shane said as he left the room, leaving the door open and Andrea still naked on her bed.

Weeks went by, and Andrea made the decision to have another abortion. She asked the girl who lives across the hall to give her a ride to the clinic. The girl declined, saying that she doesn't agree with it. Other girls on the same floor felt the same way. She burned so many bridges, and realized that nobody cared. She called for a taxi to take her to the clinic, and when the procedure was over, the receptionist called another cab to take her back to the dorm.

As senior year started, her parents, who were deeply religious, found out about her two abortions and sexual reputation, and they refused to pay for her final year. They cut off all contact when they thought about what could have been with their two grandchildren. She took on financial aid, had to take a job cleaning the dorm's bathrooms. They didn't attend her graduation, and nobody cheered when she walked across the stage. She had to give up her dream of going to law school, and becoming an attorney, and then a judge. She lost contact with them, and found out through her brother when her mother died, and then later when her father died. They messed up her plans to climb up the ladder and get out of the piece of shit town, and she hated them for it. She received a small inheritance, which she used for a weekend in Vegas.

She had connections in the community, most of them sexual flings, and so many men didn't want their wives to find out about her. She got a teaching job, and slept her way to being a principal. She didn't attend the wedding of Rick and Lori Grimes, but she saw the happy couple in the local town's newspaper under wedding announcements.

Years later, after a string of failed relationships, she smiled as she read the front page newspaper about the car accident. She figured two weeks was enough time to grieve, and went to the Grimes house with a bouquet of flowers, and wore a low cut top, her cleavage spilling out. When Rick answered the door he looked like a zombie. His crystal blue eyes were sunken in and marred by dark circles. He was pale…haunted.

She winced at the smell when he let her come into the house. Rotten food, moldy clothes in the washing machine, and overflowing trash.

She sat with her old friend as he cried on her shoulder. She looked around at the pictures of Olive Oyl. Too many smiling pictures. She wondered if they were ever intimate on the very couch she was sitting on.

She had what she wanted after almost two decades. Rick Grimes was in her arms. His body shook with sobs, and she held him tightly. She pressed her breasts into him, and felt his tears on her shoulder. Her hands went from rubbing his back to spinning her fingers through his hair. She kissed him on the cheek, and when he turned his head she tried to kiss him on the mouth, before he snapped to reality and pushed her away.

Andrea remembered what he said. She was a whore, and tried to take advantage of him after his world was over. He threw her out of his house, and told her he never wanted to see her again.


	14. Pop

"I'm really happy for you, Rick. It's just that…are you sure you're not moving too fast?" Katie asked her big brother.

"Nah. I'm sure. I've spent almost two and a half years in a fog. She understand what loss is like, and she's like a breath of fresh air."

"She's nice. Very cute. Very young."

"Kate." Rick said, flatly.

"I know…just that, eleven years is a big age difference."

"Well, dad was ten years older than mom, and they were married for thirty five years, until. And, I know what you're gonna say. They met at that dance and got engaged five months later. It worked out well for them."

Katie smiled and nodded. Rick walked over and wrapped his arm around his little sister, and said "Thanks. For everything. This is right…Beth, she's…I feel alive again."

"What kind of ceremony are you thinking about? And you're still wearing your old wedding ring."

Rick looked at his left hand to see the silver band Lori put on his finger fourteen years ago. Not once had he taken it off.

"I'll figure something out." He said, as he pulled on his coat. "Does it get the Kate approval?"

Katie handed the heart shaped box back to her brother and said "yes. Absolutely. Keep me posted."

"Will do." He said, as he kissed his sister on the cheek.

He drove back to his former home, and cleaned out what little was left in the fridge. He hadn't eaten any food there in months. Everything went in the trash. The conversation he was putting off was finally before him. He sighed as he walked up the stairs to his old bedroom, and walked over to his old dresser.

He grimaced when he noticed there was a thin layer of dust on top of his bureau and the urn. After he reached into a drawer and puled out a sock, which he used to dust, he cleared his throat and had to steady himself.

He looked at the white container, adorned with pink roses. He finally said, "Hi baby. I haven't forgotten about you. You and the kids are on my mind every day. When I lost you, I lost myself. You'd love Beth. She's raising her niece, Jo, as her daughter. She's got a big heart, and she has mine. I will never, ever forget about what we had, or what could have been." He rested both arms on his dresser, and was talking directly to the vase.

"Carl, buddy, I miss you so much. Judy, I wish I got to see the young lady you would have become. Lori, you had my heart for almost twenty years. You still do. You still have my soul. Thank you, thank you, thank you for giving me Carl and Judy. I wish I had more time with all of you. Thank you for all the memories I'll never let go of. It took me a long time to open my eyes in the morning and get used to the fact that you weren't going to be there ever again. I still can't listen to the songs we used to play when we would sing and dance around like fools. But I'll always remember the good times, and my heart will never let me forget your smile. Lori, I miss you. All I have left are our memories. I miss waking up to you in my arms. I miss your smile and your laugh. I miss everything about you. I miss the husband I was supposed to be. I miss the father I could have been."

His face was streaked with tears, and he took one more breath before walking away. "I'm going to move on, but please don't think for a second that I'll never stop thinking about you, or loving you. The accident broke me. I was shattered into a million little pieces. I'd do anything to hold you in my arms again. But I need to realize that I can't do that. I love you, Lori. I always will. I love you Carl, and I love you Judy. So much. You made me want to be a better man, and I was so proud and happy to come home to you."

"I love the three of you more than you'll ever know. And missing you is something I'll always do. Please don't think I love you any less since I'm trying to be happy again. I love you guys so much."

He kissed the tips of his index and middle finger, and put the kiss on the urn, before gathering some clothes and weapons and left the house.

He was quiet during his drive back to the farm. He had nothing left to say. Even though he found love again, he didn't want to turn the radio on, because almost every song still reminded him of Lori.

The snow started around ten in the morning, falling with a gentle vengeance, almost an apology for not having a white Christmas. Within an hours there wasn't a blade of grass visible in the entire city, and the surface streets were slick with a light white cover, with black ice hiding beneath it.

It was going to be a quiet New Year's Eve.

By nightfall the sky opened and was dropping freezing rain and snow at up to an inch an hour. Rick sat on the couch as Beth checked on Jo. Their child was sound asleep. They sat together on the sofa, watching the end of the year festivities.

"Someday I wanna go there" Beth said, referring to New York City's Time Square.

"Maybe…to crowded, too cold, this is better. He said, as he pulled her closer to him on the couch.

It was closing in on midnight, the big celebration. The big moment. Rick was starting to get nervous.

"I've always loved New Year's Eve. Even when I was a kid my parents would let me stay up to see the countdown." She smiled.

Rick grinned. _You won't forget this countdown._

He could hear the wind pick up and start to pelt the window with sleet. He wanted to fast forward the clock ten minutes.

Rather than drinking champagne at midnight, Rick opted for sparkling cider. As long as Beth was okay with it. She didn't have much experience, if any at all, with booze. He dealt with so many drunks on the job, he didn't mind.

"Here we go!" Beth said with excitement.

Ryan Seacrest started the countdown… "10….9….8..."

Rick wiped his hands on his jeans and stood close to Beth, just feet in front of the TV.

"4…3…2…"

Beth turned to Rick for the midnight kiss, but didn't see him until her eyes dropped down to the floor.

Rick had her hand in his, and said, "Beth, my life is so much better since I met you. You have been a ray of sunshine in my life, and I don't want to picture a day without you. Will you marry me?"

She was stunned, and couldn't speak for a moment. Tears started to fall out of her eyes, and she heard herself scream "yes!"

Rick smiled, and they kissed as he slid the heart shaped diamond ring onto her finger.

"I love you, Beth"

"I love you too!"

They kissed some more, and then he took her hand and ran to the bedroom.


	15. It's got a nice ring to it

It was a pleasant morning for early January near Atlanta. The snow had all but melted, and Beth smiled as she drove Jo to school. She didn't care if she saw Andrea. There was a part of her that _wanted_ to see Andrea.

When she signed in at the office, Amy was the first to notice the diamond on her finger. Jacqui was the first to give a congratulatory hug, and the other administrators and teachers who were in the office said they were happy for her. She was bombarded with questions…Amy asked about the wedding plans, if it'll be a big ceremony and it will be in the springtime.

Beth smiled so much her cheeks hurt. She described Rick's midnight proposal, and how neither one wants to have a big ceremony. The service will be just Katie and Michael, Shane, and a few other close friends. She'd like a romantic Valentines evening service.

Jacqui snickered and asked "Why so soon…are you pregnant?"

Beth bit her lip and broke eye contact, which gave the ladies the answer they were looking for.

Amy ignored the incoming phone calls, Jacqui dropped her paperwork on the desk and Tara ran from her desk to swarm Beth with hugs and kisses. They didn't notice Andrea had walked in, and was staring at the women in the center of the commotion.

Rick Grimes walked out of the coffee shop on the corner, hot steaming cup of black coffee all but burning his hands. He felt the sting, realized he should have gotten one of those pointless sleeves, then shrugged it off and kept walking. Most days he appreciated his life, realized how truly blessed he was. He had a Beth and Jo, a good job, financial freedom, a beautiful home and the love of an amazing woman. Nobody could possibly ask for more than that.

He walked over to Shane's side of the cruiser and handed his long time friend one cup, then walked around to the driver's side and got in.

"I'm happy for you, brother."

"Thanks." Rick said with a smile. "I'm just worried Andrea will say anything to her. I told Beth to record any conversation that we could use for harassment. "

"Blame it on my teenage brain, but I can't believe I ever got my dick near her."

Rick chuckled. "You and half of Atlanta. No tread left on those tires."

"How many cats do you think she has?" Shane laughed.

"Guessing twenty. Doesn't make up for being alone. And I'll bet all twenty are alcoholics."

Shane's laughed boomed throughout the cruiser.

"How many try to run away every time she opens the door?"

"Probably the same who try to kill her in her sleep."

"You locked and loaded at home?"

"Damn right. Gonna get Beth a few dogs. She stays up all night when I work the graveyard shift, just like Lo.. Just like Lori did."

"You doin' alright?" Shane asked.

Rick was silent for a while, before saying "I miss 'em. Everyday. But it's different now."

The two longtime friends carried on like children about their former classmate.

The radio crackled, reporting an assault at Valley View Elementary. Rick's sixth sense told him that Beth was in trouble. It was her first day back after getting engaged.

He almost dropped his cup of coffee as he flipped on the lights and sirens, called for backup, and sped to the school.

Rick's heart sank when he saw an ambulance outside the school. He threw the car in park and ran into the school.

Andrea was sitting in the middle of the lobby, with the coach of the baseball team, Merle Dixon, making sure she didn't move. Rick glared at her, and saw the scratches on her face and a clump of blonde hair on the floor.

He ran into the office and saw Beth, his love, his second chance at life. Jacqui had her left hand in a bowl of ice. Beth was teary, emotional, until she saw Rick. Seeing her protector appear made the emotions of being attacked bubble out. She covered her scratched and tear streaked face with her right hand and started softly crying. Rick bent down and folded her into his arms. She melted into his arms while Jacqui told her about what happened.

"Andrea saw the engagement ring and flipped out. Tara told her to back off because Beth's pregnant, and she tried to rip the ring off Beth's hand. It looks like she has at least two broken fingers. Gotta hand it to Beth, though, she got in quite a few punches of her own."

"Okay, Andrea has seen the last of this school. I'll make sure of that. She's gonna serve time."

Jacqui hid a smile. Amy, who witnessed the relationship with her sister and parents implode, wanted to distance herself from her sister. Amy lived in a very small apartment with two roommates. She already thought ahead and pictured moving into Andrea's condo when she was in jail. There was no sisterly bond. Andrea didn't just burn bridges…she napalmed them.

Shane drove Andrea to the county lockup while Rick went with Beth to the hospital. They took care of her when they x-rayed her hand, since she was pregnant. After her two broken fingers were wrapped up, Rick wanted her to have an ultrasound to make sure the baby was okay. Dr. Ross nodded, and Beth was taken to the sonogram room. The nurse squirted the warm gel on her belly before applying the sensor. Rick was sitting right next to her, holding her hand tightly.

"There's you baby." Rosita, the nurse said, happily. "Strong heartbeat. It looks like you're about eight weeks along. Did the docs clear you?"

"Yes." Rick answered for her.

"Well, everything on this end look perfect." She pressed a few buttons, then bent down and pulled up a strip of black and white images, which she handed to Beth. "Baby's first picture." She said, with a smile.

"Can you tell if it's a boy or girl?" Rick asked.

"No, not at this point. Probably another six weeks, and then you'll know."

When they got home, Rick wanted to say a few things that he's been putting off. He sat with her on the couch, and rubbed her back.

"Baby, I've been looking at the numbers. This house is paid for, so there's no mortgage. We can look into a realtor to help sell most of the land. I know a few attorneys who will make sure we'll still have privacy. I'm going to sell my house. With the life insurance money I got in the settlement, and the money you got, and with selling the animals and farm stuff, we have a lot of money in the bank. If we sell that land, we could be looking at six figures. You have very precious cargo on board," He said, as he rubbed her belly. "I know you love teaching, but you can take time off. You said you wanted to stay home with the kids anyway, and that can start now. I can't have anything happen to you, baby. Especially now." He swallowed a sob and wiped away a few pesky tears.

Beth's green eyes sparkled and her small smile turned into an ear to ear grin.

"Yes!" She said, enthusiastically.

Rick sighed in relief and wrapped his arms around his love.


	16. Two become one

The "For Sale" sign hung prominently in front of his former home. Beth, Shane, Katie and Michael offered to help, but Rick knew this was something he had to do on his own.

Beth already picked out the furniture she wanted, and there were two pieces that were important to Rick; an upright, glass humidor that belonged to his grandfather, than father, than him. The second piece was a cedar hope chest that belonged to Lori. He slowly loaded up the U-Haul, which was backed into the garage to avoid the noisy neighbors. He cleaned out the basement, garage and utility room.

After he secured the two pieces he wanted, the difficult part came. He went to what would have been Judy's room, and rolled the crib from its place in his old house to the new destination at Beth's home. He gathered up all the clothes, diapers, changing table, glider rocker, the one he remembered Lori sat in when she rocked Carl to sleep, and took everything from pink bunnies to little pink socks. By the time he was done, the room was empty.

"I love you, Judy" He said, as he shut the door for the final time.

His hands were shaking when he opened Carl's room, and he sniffed just a hint of dust when he went into his son's room for the first time in almost three years. He sat on Carl's mattress, and looked at the unmade bed with Angry Birds sheets. He had to blink back unrelenting tears as he picked up clothing from the floor, dropping them into black plastic bags. He wasn't throwing them away. He was going to clean them up and have them wait for his future child. He took the sheets, little league trophies, pictures and other mementos Carl was proud to have. He packed everything into bags, then loaded up the truck. "Love you buddy." He said, after he closed his son's door.

He did everything he could to avoid going to the master bedroom. He cleaned out the hallway and linen closets, got the pots and pans, utensils, plates, canisters, cups, bowls and remaining food from the kitchen, and held a strong grip onto Lori's favorite coffee mug. He made many trips to the van, filling it up with everything he wanted to take from the house. He took pictures off the walls, all of Lori's photo albums, Carl's baby book, their wedding album, DVDs and CDs, and the flat screen TV he and Lori saved to buy, only to have her watch it once. Everything that could be taken was, except for the weapons and master bedroom.

Rick's legs were shaking when he put all of Lori's clothes in bags. Whatever Beth didn't want he'd donate to Goodwill. He loaded up her shoes, dresser items, and gently put all of her jewelry in the case she had. He looked at the necklace he gave her on their wedding day. She wore it ever day until she died. Same thing with the earrings he gave her the day Carl was born. He looked at the tennis bracelet, still wrapped in the jeweler's paper, which he planned on giving her the day Judy was born. He looked at Lori's engagement and wedding rings. He'll give them to Beth, if she wants them. His hands shook when he removed his wedding ring from his left hand to the ring finger on his right hand. He refused to look at his dresser.

The truck was almost full when he got to his own dresser. He threw all his clothes into black bags, an extra uniform he kept in the closet, all his weapons, and after several hours the house was stripped of everything that meant anything to him, except the urn. He carried it out to the truck, and started to drive back to the farm with one hand on the wheel and the other on the urn. He was at the stoplight for the last time, and reminded himself he had to come back later and repaint the crosses.

It was the morning of Valentine's Day. The big day when they will finally become one. It was just paperwork at this point. Rick already started the process of formally adopting Jo, his house was sold, and they have a pending offer to sell ninety of the one hundred acres that abut the property. Rick worked with attorneys who contractually obligated the developer who bought the plot that no homes will be built within a ten acres close to the house, and a ten foot tall privacy fence was already installed. On the property line.

Beth was awake, lying in Rick's arms. She thought about what her life was like before she met Rick. She was alone. So alone it was painful. She worked her fingers to the bone every day. Now, she has a wonderful man lying next to her, and his baby in her belly. She couldn't sleep so she slipped out of his arms, checked on Jo, and went to the kitchen to start breakfast. No more shoveling shit in the morning, she thought with a smile.

A year ago the only noise that could be heard in the morning was her soft crying. Soon it will be a baby fussing. She and Rick decided on three children, maybe more.

Rick has done so much for her in the short time they've been together. He was overly protective, but she didn't mind, because he knew what true loss was. She held him the night he got home from emptying out his old house. She accepted the urn into her house without question. When Rick was at work she looked through the belongings, hung up the framed pictures he had of his family, and put some them on the mantle above the fireplace. She put pictures of Carl and Lori throughout the house. When Jo was at school and Rick was at work, and she was sure nobody could hear her, she talked to the urn, and told Lori how sorry she was about everything, but promised that she'll take good care of Rick.

Katie and Sasha brought the snacks, and the Justice of the Peace arrived on time. Michael and Kate's children were well behaved, and interacted with their new cousin, Jo.

They stood by the fireplace, the hearth emanating its warmth throughout the room, and casting a golden glow throughout the room.

Rick stood near the hearth, beaming with pride. His sister was standing across from him, and Michael was standing behind the groom. No music was needed, it wasn't wanted anyway. They just wanted to get married.

Shane walked Beth across the room, their version of down the aisle. Her ivory dress was clinging to her curves, and she got the okay from Rick to use Lori's hair clip to pin her blonde locks. Rick's eyes were teaming with tears.

Rick extended his hand to help Beth up the steps of the gazebo. She was shaking, and he held her hands tightly. He tightened his grip and gave her a wink.

The Justice started, "We are gathered here today to witness the marriage of Elizabeth Anne Greene and Richard Michael Grimes. Love is like a friendship caught on fire. In the beginning, a flame, very pretty, often hot and fierce, but still only light and flickering. As love grows older, our hearts mature and our love becomes as coals, deep-burning and unquenchable. A union on husband and wife is unshakable, and a bond that should never be torn apart. Richard, your parents had that strong bond for thirty years before God called them home. They are here with you today, witnessing your new chapter in your life. Elizabeth, your parents and sister are here with you. Richard, Lori, Carl, and Judith are here, and so proud of you and the step you are taking. Richard, would you please repeat after me;

"I, Richard Michael Grimes"

"I Richard Michael Grimes"

"Take you, Elizabeth Anne Greene, as my lawfully wedded wife."

"Take you, Elizabeth Anne Greene, as my lawfully wedded wife."

"I promise to be true to you, in good times and in bad, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, for as long as we both shall live."

"I promise to be true to you, in good times and in bad, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, and I will love you and protect you with my life and make you smile every day, for as long as we both shall live."

There were laughs and some people clapped as Rick added that last part.

The Justice of the Peace announced that the couple have written their own vows. Beth went first, "Rick, being with you feels right in every single way. My favorite place is in your arms and when we kiss I feel like I'm flying. Somewhere, somehow I fell in love with you and it was the most beautiful thing in my life. I know I want to love you and be with you for as long as I live. I just want to jump into your arms and have all my problems disappear. I live to taste your lips, to hear your laughter, to feel your skin against mine. I live to lift your soul to ease your burdens to share your joy and your sorrow. I live to help you, to comfort you, to make all our dreams come true. I live to love you and be loved by you. Every day, always, my love, I love you. You are my first love, and you will be my last. My deepest, most passionate love. A love I've never had before. A love I will remember forever. And even thought I met you in my worst days, you made it look like my best days."

Rick squeezed Beth's hand after she finished her vow, and he took a shaky breath before he said his; Beth, Our love for each other came unannounced, in the middle of the night. But I can promise you this; I will wrap my arms around you to fix you when you are sad. Whether it's the days you are burning brighter than the sun, or the nights you collapse in tears into your pillow, I will be there. When you are not close, I miss you. When you are near, I can't take my eyes off of you. Alone I am strong, but with you I am mighty. I want to spend the rest of my life loving you. You are my kindred spirit, my best friend and my lover. I will love you always.

The man proceeded to pronounced them man and wife, and the small cluster that was their family cheered.

They had a short dinner, before Beth handed her new sister, Katie, a suitcase for Jo. Katie proudly took her niece home so her brother can go on a long honeymoon.

He grabbed the strings of her lace panties and pulled, tugging them down her legs and throwing them off to the side. Finally she was naked in front of him. He could see the folds of her sex glistening with moisture. He wanted to bury his tongue there, taste every delicious inch of her, but he knew he'd never be able to hold off, and he desperately needed to fuck her. Tasting would have to wait for another time.

He slipped one finger inside, finding her soaked and more than ready. A second finger joined the first, thrusting in and out, three rapid pumps. Her hips lifted, a little shuddering breath in and out as her fingers dug into the vinyl of the bed.

He grabbed her hips, pulling her forward, lining her up with the edge of the bed, plunging into her in one deep thrust. She cried out, her voice roughened with arousal. Her little noises of pleasure, combined with the wet heat of her on his cock, were more than he could stand. He thrust, hard and fast, driving into her almost violently, his hands leaving bruises on her hips as he gripped her, holding her still. She wrapped her legs around his waist, using her muscles to pull him even closer. Meeting his every thrust with one of her own.

He leaned forward, changing the angle and adding a little twist on the upstroke. He was close to the edge and he wanted to see her come first. He reached up with his left hand to flick and pull at her nipple. Even through the shirt, it was enough. She shattered, a guttural scream echoing in the empty shop. He felt her pussy clench, the muscles squeezing him, driving him over that peak. He felt the zipping sensation start at the base of his spine, burning a path to his balls as the first spurt shot out. He threw his head back and roared out his pleasure.

When they caught their breath and lay together, he said, "I love you, you know that?"

"I love you too." She was quick to respond.

Mixed in with in with the sudden rush of love was something else. Something dark. He was suddenly terrified of losing her and an inexplicable sense of foreboding washed over him.


	17. Vacation, have to get away

**I see trees of green,  
red roses too.  
I see them bloom,  
for me and you.  
And I think to myself,  
what a wonderful world.**

 **I see skies of blue,  
And clouds of white.  
The bright blessed day,  
The dark sacred night.  
And I think to myself,  
What a wonderful world.**

 **The colors of the rainbow,  
So pretty in the sky.  
Are also on the faces,  
Of people going by,  
I see friends shaking hands.  
Saying, "How do you do?"  
They're really saying,  
"I love you".**

 **I hear babies cry,  
I watch them grow,  
They'll learn much more,  
Than I'll ever know.  
And I think to myself,  
What a wonderful world.**

 **Yes, I think to myself,  
What a wonderful world.**

 **Oh yeah.**

 **Louis Armstrong - Wonderful World**

"You still haven't told me where you're taking me on our honeymoon." Beth said, as they were eating breakfast that morning.

"Wait...you want to go on a honeymoon? You didn't tell me that!" He teased.

She laughed. "Well...bikini or snow boots?"

"Naked in bed."

"I'm serious!"

"Me too!"

She pretended to be offended, and playfully punched his arm.

"I'm dying to know where were going!"

"It's a surprise...I want to make you smile."

They were waiting to get on the plane, and the woman at the counter called for them to board. Rick led Beth to their seats, in first class. She still didn't know. When they were ready for takeoff, the pilot said "welcome to flight number 742, with nonstop service from Atlanta, Georgia to Honolulu, Hawaii. We have a special couple with us today, Mr. and Mrs. Rick Grimes, who just got married yesterday."

Beth broke into tears as the inside of the plane erupted into applause. She hugged Rick tightly, and he gave her a kiss, and whispered "I told you I'll spoil you. I love you so much, baby."

Beth was amazed at the room Rick reserved. It certainly was the "honeymoon" suite. The bathroom had a hot tub, and they had sex in the water. They had breakfast delivered every morning via room service, and spent the days on the beach. She left her diamond in the hotel room safe, being afraid to lose it in the ocean. Rick taught her how to surf, they went parasailing, and a luau every evening. They would dance until late into the night, and make love before going to sleep. Some nights were sweet and passionate, others they just fucked. He fucked her against the wall, he fucked her while she was sitting on the desk, and he fucked her hard in the shower. One morning, after they had breakfast on their room's balcony, she was wearing one of his tee-shirts and no panties, he had her look at the view while he entered from behind. He reached around, and she shook with every orgasm.

Beth was loving Hawaii. She had always wanted to come here and it was the perfect place to spend a honeymoon with her new husband.

She scooped some flesh out of a crab claw and smiled across the little table at Rick. He looked so handsome with his suntan and white shirt unbuttoned halfway down his chest. They may have been staying at a five star resort on one of the many keys that made up the islands of the tiny state, but the outdoor dining atmosphere was very casual.

"What?" He asked when she continued to stare at him, the smile never slipping from her face.

"Nothing. Just admiring my gorgeous man." She gazed up at the darkening sky, then across at the spectacular sunset right before her, with its dazzling shades of red and purple. "I'm having a good time. Life is perfect right now."

Rick grinned and held up his wine glass. "I'll drink to that, Baby."

She raised her glass and giggled. "I love how that sounds."

"Okay, Babe," he said and they clinked glasses. Both were drinking water. Beth because of the baby, and Rick because he didn't want her to feel left out.

He smiled. "I love you."

She returned his smile. "And I love you."

Rick chewed on some calamari rings while Beth persisted in scooping out crab from the shell. When she'd had enough she rinsed her hands in a bowl of lemon water and dried them on a small towel. The sunset had all but gone now, the sky a deep blue as twilight transpired into night, bringing an end to the third day of their honeymoon.

Rick rose from his seat, leaned across the table and kissed her lips. His were wet and tasted sweet. Beth cupped a hand behind his head and lightly flicked her tongue inside his mouth, teasingly so.

The dark water was as calm as a bay, with only the tiniest of ripples. By day it was clear as glass. They followed the beach that curved around the main resort, smiling at other tourists as they strolled. Some were in the water enjoying an evening swim in the balmy weather. The resort took up most of the miniature island. The majority of it was coral reef with only a small rise with lazy palms and deep green vegetation. They circled the area, then walked onto a wooden boardwalk that went out over the shallow water. On either side more decks led off to overwater villas. Theirs was on the very end, the furthest out to sea and the most private.

Beth looked up and admired the stars as they trod the decking out to their room. She couldn't believe how many stars she could see at night time here. It was stunning. The faintest of sea breezes caressed their skin as they walked around.

Beth absolutely loved this place. Every single room had views of the water, and the way it was designed one could move around completely naked and not be seen by those occupying the other suites. The only possible way anybody could see into their private sanctuary was from the water itself. The bathroom wall was glass from floor to ceiling, so she and Rick could sit in the spa bath and soak up the magnificent views while soaking their bodies.

The day came when they had to go back home. They fucked one more time against the wall before they left the room. Rick gave her hand a kiss, and kissed her diamond and wedding rings, which said to the world that they belong to each other. He carried their suitcases, and they took a cab to the airport for the long flight home.

Beth slept for a little while on the flight, resting her head on his shoulder.

They pulled into the driveway of the Greene farm, and Beth's jaw dropped. Rick glanced over at her and grinned. It was as though they were driving down a path to a magazine cover. The rock and pebble driveway was paved, Beth couldn't wait to jump out and see the changes.

"Mike owed me a favor." Rick winked at her. "C'mon…let's go see."

In the ten days they were gone Michael and his construction company used the Greene farm as a project. All the wiring in the house was replaced, central air conditioning was installed along with all new windows, more secure doors, a security system, and an attached garage. The mud and muck that was once the pig pen was now a flowering garden, with rows of pink, white and red roses. There was a new barbeque grill on the porch, right near the kitchen door. The gazebo, barn and horse stable were shored up and repainted, and, what made Beth's knees wobble was the cow pen was completely cleaned, the floor was fixed, and a hot tub was added. That led to a fenced-in area, and when Beth looked through it, she saw a new in ground pool.

"How did…..Rick!"

Rick laughed and said "surprise!"

"Let's go inside." Rick smiled. "We still have time before they bring Jo back." He carried the suitcases into the house, and told Beth to wait before she tried to walk in. He put the bags down, walked out, scooped her up bridal style and carried her across the threshold. He spun her around, and he backed her against the wall. They kissed deeply as he tugged on her pants. She unbuckled his belt and his pants hit the floor with a quiet thud. She wrapped her arms around his neck as he lifted her up and lowered her onto himself.

Kate and Mike, along with their children, brought Jo over. Beth leapt into his arms and gave him a hug for all the work he did. Jo ran directly over to Rick and put her arms out, saying "Dadadee."

Beth clapped, and Kate said that they worked on that for a while. Rick thanked Kate for everything, including doing grocery shopping. The fridge was full of food, and he cooked dinner while Beth looked around at the changes in the house.

After dinner was over and Jo went to sleep, Rick showed Beth a set of computer monitors hidden in one of the kitchen cabinets. An alarm, just a soft one like a doorbell, will ring when someone drives onto the property.

Through security cameras hidden in trees along the way, she'll be able to see who is driving up to the house.

Dusk was fast approaching, and he showed her the outside lights, which turn on when triggered.

Beth had tears pouring of of her eyes.

"Hormones again?" Rick asked as he rubbed her back.

"Maybe, I don't know. Maybe, but…Daddy was so nice and protective, but nobody, ever, has ever been this nice to me. You've adopted Jo…she has your last name now. It's almost like my alarm's gonna go off and you'll all be a dream.

The pregnancy hormones did, in fact, took hold of her emotions and she started sobbing.

Rick chuckled as he gently pulled her into a hug, reminding her that he will spend the rest of his life spoiling her rotten.


	18. You complete me

"Do you have any idea how annoyingly happy you are?"

Rick smiled and said "yep."

"When Bassett's wife was six months along she wanted sex all day long. Is there another reason why you're on your third cup of coffee this morning?"

Rick chuckled.

"That's my answer. Damn, bro."

"Not gonna kiss and tell." He smirked, as he took another much needed sip of his coffee.

Shane laughed and shook his head.

"Well, I can't say I blame you. If anyone, you deserve it."

"Thanks."

Rick drove down the road, and turned into the Greene-turned-Grimes driveway. Shane looked around at all the changes that were made.

"Damn, bro. I call dibs on that hot tub come spring."

Rick smiled and went to the door, just as Beth was walking out of the house. He took her keys and engaged the deadbolt. He stole a kiss before escorting her to the passenger seat of the cruiser, as Shane looked around a little more and got into the backseat.

"How you doin, Beth?"

"Good. Tired, fat, always hungry." She chuckled.

"What's the countdown?"

"Probably about eight weeks. I almost don't want it to end. I love being pregnant."

"Well, you look fantastic." Shane said, which earned him a stare in the rear view mirror from Rick.

Beth thanked him, then turned her attention to her husband, who was driving with one hand on the wheel and the other hand holding hers. "How long do you think this will take?"

"If they're running on schedule, maybe half an hour." He glanced at his watch, and noted it was eleven thirty. "We should have enough time to wrap it up, grab lunch and be back to get Jojo off the bus."

Beth nodded. She was getting anxious about seeing Andrea again, but she knew Rick and Shane would be the wall that separated the two women.

When they walked through the doors of the courthouse, Rick and Shane, both well known, showed their identification and avoided walking through the security scanner. Rick told the agent he knew that Beth was with him, so they were immediately able to head to the courtroom.

The three walked in to the silent courtroom, and Beth saw Andrea, in an orange jumpsuit, sitting in the far end of the courtroom. She was always put together at school; perfect makeup, not a strand of hair out of place, and only the best clothing. Now, she had lost weight after being locked up for months, her blonde hair, without getting treatments, was turned to grey, and without getting Botox, Beth could see the crow's feet from where she was sitting. Andrea watched as the petite, perky blonde with a large pregnant bell walk in with the handsome Sheriff, and her eyes followed her nemesis until she was seated. Andrea seethed as Beth hid a laugh.

Andrea's case was called, the five months she served in jail counted towards her six month sentence, and she was released. Beth's attorney automatically ask for and was granted a restraining order. She lost her job as a principal and she was barred from setting foot on any public school ground.

Beth, overly emotional anyway, started crying in fear, but Rick reassured her that safety should be the last thing on her mind.

The three waited in the lobby of the courthouse. Beth wanted to see Andrea face to face.

After signing a bunch of papers, Andrea walked into the lobby, to see her one time lover, the man she loved, and the brat she hated waiting for her. She walked over and tried to hug Rick, but he pushed her back. He protectively pushed Beth behind him.

"Beth wanted to say goodbye, you'll never see her again." Rick said.

"I wish you well, Andrea." Beth said, flatly.

"So what'd you gonna do now?" Shane asked.

"Well, I have some things lined up, some guys…"

"So guys are lining up to date you?" Rick asked, as Beth chuckled.

"Work, an apartment, that kind of stuff." Shane asked.

"No idea. Andrea said, defeated. Hopefully Amy didn't burn my condo down."

"Anyway, we need to go. Beth just wanted to say goodbye."

"I'll see you at the station." Shane told Rick, as Mr. and Mrs. Grimes left the building.

Months later, Beth was asleep in her hospital bed, exhausted after twenty hours of labor. Rick was sitting in a chair right next to her, holding their baby girl. Tears of joy streamed out of his eyes. He was holding his baby, and the woman he loved was lying right next to him. He was rocking Annette Lori Grimes, and has was happy for the first time in years.

A few months after Annette was born, Beth and Rick resumed their sex life. He wanted to make sure she was comfortable. Beth loved that she was putting her daughter to bed in the same room she slept in when she was a baby.

The first night Rick was very gentle, just like their first time. She winced when he pushed himself inside, and he stopped. "Don't you dare." she laughed, and he slid himself in to the hilt. She was on top, moving her hips up and down. She leaned down, and as she climaxed, she accidentally sprayed Rick with breast milk. They laughed, and he said she tastes very good. He tried to take a little from the source, and she laughed. He gently rolled her over, and gently pumped into her until he came deeply.

They lay there for a while, laughing about the milk, and just loving the feel of their naked bodies together. She say up and straddled his legs, and started stroking his cock and sucking on his balls.

"Whoa...oh...oh fuck that's good."

"Well, we have to wash the sheets anyway. Might as well make it worth it." she smiled, and he laughed.

He was hard again, and she took him in her mouth. She used the method she perfected over the past year, and used her hands and fingers to press the right spots. He came strongly, deep in her mouth. She swallowed him gladly, and bent down to kiss him.

"Let me catch my breath...and we'll really have to change the sheets." he said, and made her laugh.

Rick was happy to let Beth do what she has always wanted to do, be a stay at home mom. Rick adopted two German shepherd from a local shelter, and had them professionally trained to protect Beth, the children, and the land.

He taught her how to shoot, and showed her where the guns were. Rick surprised Beth with a porch chair swing built for two, and the three of them would rock there in the evenings.

Rick drove Annette and Beth for their checkups. Just four months after their daughter was born, Beth was pregnant again. Rick was so happy he cried and hugged Beth tightly.

Soon, they welcomed another daughter, Julia Anne Grimes, after Rick's mother.

Time went by, and Rick came home, was greeted by Jo and a toddler Annette running to him and yelling "Da...Da..Da!"

He picked he up and gave her a big kiss, gave Julia a kiss, Beth a more passionate kiss, and bent down to kiss her tummy, saying "hello to you in there!"

After Richard Hershel-Carlson Grimes was born, Rick and Beth thought it was best for them to stop, so Beth got her tubes tied.

Six months later, Rick Grimes got home from work a little early, and was met by his "army," as he calls them. Annette and Julia were running, wobbly, towards him. Richard was crawling. Beth came over and he gave her a deep kiss before he sat on the floor and being "tackled" by his kids.

"This is my life" Rick thought to himself. He let his eyes show his emotions, but the knot in his gut was twisting. He had more reasons to come home, and more to protect. Now more than ever.

After a little while he stood up with Richard in his arms and put him in his high chair. One more kiss to Beth and he went upstairs to change clothes, and secure his weapons. After dinner he cleaned up while Beth took a much deserved break and went for a walk outside. She always sat in the gazebo. That was "her" place. She just sat there, no book, no cell phone, nothing. It was her chance to listen to the quiet of the evening. Her father built the gazebo, and that's where she stood when she emptied the urns that contained the ashes of her parents and her sister.

It was their nightly routine. Rick cleaned the dinner dishes, and started baths for the kids. He had all three washed up and in their pajamas when Beth came in. She helped put them to bed, and would sit with Rick talking about their day. No TV, no tablets, just the two of them sitting together.

That evening Rick grabbed Beth's feet, and put them in his lap. He started giving her a much needed foot massage. She leaned up, and they kissed hungrily. She sat back with a smile. She moved her leg and felt something hard.

"You just can't wait, can you?" she teased.

"Well, little Ricky isn't hard right now, but I do have something for you." she laughed at the nickname she gave his dick. "Close your eyes..."

She did so, and felt him put something around her wrist.

"No peeking! Damn it...how the hell do you work this? No...no peeking or I'll make you come only four times. Hang on...I think I got it. Okay. Open your eyes."

She looked at the new, beautiful bracelet Rick put on her wrist. It was a diamond tennis bracelet, encrusted with rubies, her birthstone. Her jaw dropped when she saw it.

"Rick...what...how...It's beautiful!" she squealed.

"Don't you remember?"

"Remember what?"

He smiled. "It was five years ago today I did a speech at a local school, and the cute blonde teacher grabbed my heart. Happy anniversary, baby."

She smiled as happy tears came out of her eyes. "I can't believe you remember stuff like that!"

"When it comes to the woman who changed my life for the better, I remember everything. I love you so much."

"I love you too!" she said.

"I told you I'd spoil you."

They kissed, and it got more passionate. "We can't...not down here..."

"Okay. It's a race. I'll lock up and check on the kids. You get naked and in our bed."

"Annnnd. Go."

If they didn't know every inch of each other before, they sure did that night. She was naked and in bed when he went to the bedroom, and it took him seconds to get undressed and slide under the covers. They became experts at keeping quiet. He kissed her deeply, then worked his way down to her crotch. He licked in and out of her folds, and sucked on her clit while thrusting in three fingers and massaging her sweet spot. She moaned, and let her orgasm shake her body. She whispered for him to lie next to her, and she got on top and took him in her mouth as he continued to use his tongue and fingers to make her go wild. She gently sucked on his tip, licked his shaft up and down, and sucked on his balls, one at a time. She had to pause as she felt herself come, and went right back to taking his whole length into her mouth. She massaged his balls while sucking him hard, and when his legs tense she let him come in her mouth, swallowing every drop of her husband.

She rolled off, and they each had to catch their breath. He chuckled, as he kept his hand on her leg. "I will never get tired of that. Good God I love you."

She moved and put her head on his chest. "I love you too. So much."

They lay together, just enjoying the feeling of being with each other, and she started to stroke him. He smiled as he watched her straddle his crotch and make him fully erect. She moved her hips over him, and slid down, taking him inside of her. She rolled back and forth, as he grabbed onto her breasts. He pulled her down for a kiss, and rolled over. He loved watching how damn beautiful she is, and seeing her sweet expressions every time he thrusted. He picked up the pace and made sure she came, before exploding deep inside her. She was exhausted and soon fell asleep, and he held her tightly. She's his second chance. His winning lottery ticket in his life. He listened to the sound of her breathing, and soon sleep claimed him.


	19. Men vs Women

**I'm staring out into the night  
Trying to hide the pain  
I'm going to the place where love  
And feeling good don't ever cost a thing  
And the pain you feel is a different kind of pain**

 **I'm going home  
Back to the place where I belong  
And where your love has always been enough for me  
I'm not running from  
No, I think you got me all wrong  
I don't regret this life I chose for me  
But these places and these faces are getting old  
So I'm going home  
Well, I'm going home**

 **The miles are getting longer it seems  
The closer I get to you  
So I'm going home  
Back to the place where I belong  
And where your love has always been enough for me  
I'm not running from  
No, I think you got me all wrong  
I don't regret this life I chose for me  
But these places and these faces are getting old**

 **I don't regret this life I chose for me  
But these places and these faces are getting old  
I said these places and these faces are getting old  
So I'm going home, I'm going home**

 **Daughtry - Home**

"What's the difference between men and women?" Shane asked Rick

"This a joke?"

"No, I'm serious. I never met a woman who knew how to turn off a light."

"They're born thinking the switch only goes one way on."

"They're struck blind the second they leave a room. I mean every woman, I ever let have a key I swear to God. It's like I come home, house is all lit up, and my job, you see, apparently because…because my chromosomes happen to be different cause I then gotta walk through that house, turn off every single light this chick left on."

"Is that right?"

"Yeah, baby. Alright, Reverend Shane's preaching to you now, boy. The same chick, mind ya. She'll bitch about global warming. That's when Reverend Shane wants to quote from the Guy Gospel and say "Um, darling?" "maybe you, and every other pair of boobs on this planet just figured out that the light switch see, goes both ways," maybe we wouldn't have so much global warming."

"You say that?"

"Yeah. Anyway, uh polite version still man, that…that earns me this…this look and loathing you would not believe. And that's when the exorcist voice pops out. "You sound just like my damn father. Always, always yelling about the power bill, telling me to turn off the damn lights."

"What do you say to that?"

"You know what I wanna say. I wanna say, "Bitch, you mean to tell me you've been hearing this your entire life and you are still too damn stupid to learn how to turn off a switch?" You know I don't actually say that, though."

"That…would be bad."

"Yeah, go with the uh the polite version there."

"Very wise."

"Yes, sir."

"So…Rick. Hold off on the "I told ya so" for a minute, but…me and Andrea."

"You didn't."

"Walk of shame, bro."

"She good at turning off lights?"

"She's good at one thing."

"That your teenage brain talking?"

Shane sighed. "Let's just say Imma ask you how to change a damn diaper."

"You're shitting me."

"I wish."

"You're shitting me."

"God."

"Shane?"

"Third strike…Christ man."

Rick took another sip from his soda while he processed the information.

The radio crackled to life; "All available units, high speed pursuit in progress Lincoln county units request local assistance. Highway 18 south GTAAD W217 243. Proceed with extreme caution. Suspects are two male Caucasians. Be advised, they have fired on police officers. One Lincoln county officer is wounded.

Unit 1, Unit 3. And we'll patch in Lincoln County Sheriff radio."

"Roger that. We're 5 minutes out on the route 18 intersection." Rick said into his radio.

"Dispatch, Unit 1, Unit 3, we are 10-97 in code 100. Highway 18, 85 Interstate, please advise."

"Sounds like they're chasing those idiots up and down every back road we got." Shane said, as he and Rick put down spike strips to tear off the car's tires.

"Hey, we'll get them on one of those video shows, you know, like World's craziest police chases, what do you think?" Bassett asked, with a chuckle.

"What I think, Leon, is that you need to stay focused. Make sure you got a round in the chamber and your safety off."

"Would be kind of cool to get on one of them shows." Shane remarked.

The car, being driven wildly down the road while being chased by two police cars, hit the spike strips head on. The driver lost control of the car and ran off the road, flipping three times before coming to rest upside down.

"Holy shit. Gun, gun, gun." Yelled Shane. "Put it down! Put the gun down!"

Rick grabbed his side in pain, but the bullet was stopped by his vest. The two suspects were quickly put down.

Rick!"

"I'm alright!"

"I saw you get tagged, man, it scared the hell out of me."

"Me too. Son of a bitch shot me. You believe that?"

"We'll get you a new vest." Shane said, relieved.

"Shane, you do not tell Beth that happened. Ever. You understand…"

Rick fell over before Shane heard the pop. The bullet caught him in the armpit, and he hit the ground. Shane picked up his shotgun and quickly killed the third suspect, who was hidden. He then knelt next to Rick, who was bleeding profusely.

"Rick! Rick! No, no, no! No, no, no, no."

"He's hurt! Leon! You get that ambulance down here, you tell them there's an officer down, and you do it now!"

"Shh, shh, shh, hey, you look at me, stay with me, you hear me? Okay."


	20. Aftermath

**Misused, Mistakes  
Too long, Too late  
Who was I to make you wait?  
Just one chance  
Just one breath  
Just in case there's just one left  
'Cause you know, you know, you know I love you**

 **On my knees, I'll ask  
Last chance for one last dance  
'Cause with you, I'd withstand all of hell to hold your hand  
I have loved you all along  
And I miss you  
Been far away for far too long  
I keep dreaming you'll be with me and you'll never go  
Stop breathing if I don't see you anymore**

 **So far away, so far away  
Been far away for far too long  
So far away, so far away  
Been far away for far too long  
But you know, you know, you know I wanted, I wanted you to stay  
'Cause I needed, I need to hear you say that I love you (That I love you)  
I have loved you all along  
And I forgive you (And I forgive you) for being away for far too long  
So keep breathing 'cause I'm not leaving you anymore  
Believe it  
Hold on to me and never let me go  
Keep breathing 'cause I'm not leaving you anymore  
Keep breathing  
Hold on to me and never let me go**

 **Nickleback – Far Away**

Rick tried to scream to Shane to stop pressing on his chest. It hurt, and he was finding it more and more difficult to breathe. He looked Shane right in the eye and was able to say "Beth."

"You don't worry. You'll be back at home with her and the kids before you know it."

There was room for only one guest in the helicopter, so Shane took the spot. He yelled to Bassett to go to Beth's and drive her, lights and sirens, to the hospital.

The incessant beeping of the machines was annoying. Rick hated it. It reminded him of the beeping of Judy's monitor right before she flat lined.

"Rick keep your eyes open, bro." Shane said, as he was inches away from his face. He was squeezing his lifelong friend's hand. "You can take the day off tomorrow, then we go golfing on Wednesday." Shane said, trying to get Rick to smile, do _something_ to let everyone know that he can still hear everyone.

Tears started to spill from the corners of Rick's eyes, and ran to his ear.

"S'allright, bro...S'allright. Stay with me, k? Stay with me or I'll kick your ass." Shane said, his once confident booming voice was now replaced by a desperate plea.

"Rick, squeeze my hand…please…right now…." Rick could hear the beeping of the monitors and the engine of the helicopter. Everything was so loud. He just wanted to turn his mind off, just for a moment.

He knew they landed, and Shane was pushed aside while trauma doctors took his place.

"What's his blood type?" One asked.

"A Negative."

"Call the blood bank." The doctor barked orders to the nurse.

Rick watched as Shane put his face in his hands and started crying. His first instinct was to put his hand on his buddy's back to console him.

Rick saw himself standing outside the hospital and feet away from Shane. It was dusk and a few raindrops started to fall.

"Rick." He heard a familiar voice. He turned around and saw Lori, holding Carl's hand, and Judy in her arms.

"This isn't happening." He said to himself.

"Baby…" Lori stepped forward and put her hand against his face. Her hand was so warm. It felt so real.

He gingerly lifted his hand and touched her ivory skin. She was just as beautiful as he remembered. The memories he wanted to keep, not the mess she was in after the accident.

"I'm dead?" He asked. He knew, rationally, that this was one of those out-of-body experiences you hear about…seeing the white light at the end of the tunnel…

"You're with us now." Lori said with a smile, but sad eyes.

"No….please…I have three little kids. Just babies." He said, almost begging.

"I know, I'm sorry. We've got plans for Beth. The coach who made sure Andrea didn't move after she hit Beth…his younger brother. She'll have it rough for a while, just like you did. It's okay, though. She'll be okay. I'll send her Daryl, just like I sent her to you."

"This isn't happening. I'm dreaming. I'm inside, probably unconscious from surgery."

Lori gave him a half-hearted smile and pointed to the emergency doors. One of the trauma doctors came out of the hospital and said a few words to Shane, who fell to the ground in deep sobs.

"C'mon…it'll be a while before Beth gets here. Bassett is gonna get lost again. We've got people for you to meet. Beth's parents, her sister, your parents are here too."

Rick was holding Judith, and had Carl on his lap and Lori's hand in his, fingers entwined, as they sat at the kitchen table when the will executor read off Rick's final wishes.

"This is the tough part…seeing everyone hurt. When you cried, I cried." Lori said.

Katie, Michael and Shane were there, helping with the children. On the table, a foot in front of Beth, was a box the size of a shoebox, which contained Rick's cremated remains.

"Your babies are beautiful." Lori said. She rubbed Rick's back, since he was crying over losing another family. Hershel and Annette were standing behind Beth, and Maggie was watching over Jo.

"Mrs. Grimes, your husband took out an additional insurance policy two weeks ago. For one million dollars. He allotted it the following way; two hundred thousand to be put aside for the future education of Josephine Grimes, two hundred thousand for the future of Annette Grimes, two hundred thousand for Julia Grimes, and same for Richard Grimes. Two hundred thousand will be put in a trust for you, and funds will become available when you need it. Sheriff Grimes also prepaid for ten years' worth of yardwork and pool and weekly house cleaning."

After the details were read off, the executor said he had to stay to make sure the final piece of the puzzle was put together.

Beth, her face streaked with tears, nodded, and as Katie ran to the bedroom to get the urn, everyone walked outside to the former pigpen, now three rows of rosebushes.

"Good job, by the way." Hershel told Rick. "It made it easier on her. You were so good to her. You did more than I ever could have done. You made everything easier on her. Thank you for my grandchildren. We'll keep an eye on them too."

"I just roses. Especially pink." He said, as he wiped his eyes and motioned to the flowers. "I never got a chance to say goodbye."

"The sad truth is that those left behind have nobody to ask how to catch up." Hershel stated.

"That's beautiful." Lori told him.

"You pick up expressions here and there." He chuckled.

Rick pinched the bridge of his nose with his thumb and index finger.

"I know what that means." Lori said. "It's alright, baby. Everyone has a hard time adjusting. I was sitting next to you every night during those first few months. When Andrea showed up with that low cut shirt I knew what she was up to."

"There's no way you could've known that…"

A small smile tugged at the corner of her lips. "I was there, baby. I've never left you. Just like you'll never leave Beth."

"I'll bet you were picturing angels and harps." Annette chuckled.

Rick nodded his head.

"We go there once in a while. That's the best part about Heaven is there's no limit on vacations."

"Here we go." Lori said.

Shane had tears drop out of his eyes when Michael wrenched open the top of the urn.

Beth wordlessly stepped up and poured in Rick's ashes. "I'll do it." She said, and Shane handed her the vase. She took a deep breath, and stepped up to the roses. She poured the urn, containing the four original Grimes, into the soil of the pink flowers.


End file.
